Posted by fallsfall on March 11, 2004, at 21:57:38
In reply to Re: My new plan, posted by Dinah on March 11, 2004, at 10:11:55
So, maybe we call that a compromise?
That sounds fine as long as you DO end up with some boundaries somewhere that YOU can live with. Recognizing what reality is with your parents is probably necessary.
I like the lots-of-phone-calls-to-your-dad idea. Maybe if you don't save your visit to him until last thing in the day it will make it easier for him to remember that you are coming to see him every day.
I have a friend whose mother has Alzheimers. This friend managed her money well enough to retire very early (she's in her late 50s now, I think) and has managed to do lots of travelling. When her mother started being less able to take care of herself, she moved in with my friend. My friend adores her mother and has taken constant care of her for the last 5 years or so (to the point that she has stopped travelling). She would do anything for her mother. Today I saw her and she told me that her mom was in the hospital and wouldn't be coming back to her house. That she had finally needed to say that she couldn't take care of her anymore. And, while my friend is quite sad that her mother is doing poorly, at the same time there was unmistakable relief. As she said "My quality of life has been deteriorating faster than my mother's quality of life".
Please just keep in the back of your mind that if you DO reach your limit that you have done all that you can (by definition). It does NOT mean that you don't love your parents, nor that you aren't concerned about them. It means that your FIRST duty is to yourself.
Please take care of yourself. We need you, too.
poster:fallsfall
thread:322154
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040305/msgs/323411.html