Posted by Kath on February 10, 2004, at 9:16:03
In reply to i have a problem, posted by anya on February 8, 2004, at 0:43:59
Sweetie - If it feels like rape, it was rape. Even if the other part wasn't "forced", the oral part was certainly forced.
But you know what? It's just 'semantics' - words. The thing that matters is that you do NOT feel okay. Your feelings are your feelings and they are ALWAYS RIGHT. ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Feelings can never be wrong.
(Even if I feel, for example, hate for my child.....it's a FEELING. It's not okay for me to hurt my child in ANY way, but my feeling is right for me......something has obviously happened that is not okay with me & has resulted in me feeling that hate.)Anyway, back to you. You were pressured into doing something that you didn't want to do. Who knows why you did it - maybe you were scared; maybe you were embarrassed; maybe you were abused earlier in your life & carry that helpless feeling inside you. Bottom line is that you did NOT do anything wrong & he DID!!!!!!!!!
Nobody has the right to pressure someone else into being sexual. Nobody.
I'd suggest that if you can't get your head around it being rape, don't worry about that part hunny. Just be in touch with your feelings that you fell AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!
Please try to contact a Rape Crisis Centre - you don't need to have been "raped" to ask for them to help you about a situation where you were sexually abused (which you were, even if only the forced oral part). If there's no Rape Crisis Centre, try to find a Women's Centre. Phone your nearest hospital, tell them you (or say it was a friend if you don't feel okay saying it was you) were sexually assaulted & need to talk to a trained professional. If the person you speak to is not kind & helpful, ask to speak to someone else, if you have the nerve to, "I don't feel supported in this conversation. I'm asking you for your help, but if this is uncomfortable for you, could I please speak to someone else"
You definitely deserve to have some support around this awful thing that happened to you. I think you could use some help in taking care of yourself & keeping safe. I am not blaming you in any way, but some of us do NOT have opportunities to LEARN to take good care of ourselves. Often we learn, growing up, that we have no 'say' in things - that we have to do what others want us to do.
I wish you the best in getting help to deal with this trauma.
Hugs, Kath
> something happened to me a while ago and i do not know what it was. im going to tell the full story with no added detail. just the truth of what happened.
>
> i warn you that there will be i guess explicit details so dont read if you get offended easy.
>
> i met this guy, doesnt matter how. we hit it off and i went to his place in his car. i left my car behind. i didnt know where i was or how to get back to my car. when we got there i told him i was on my period. i was. we drank wine. only a glass each. his housemate was home. i decided to leave. we went outside to his car. we kissed. his hand was suddenly in my pants. i said no. he was pushing a tampon too far inside me. i shoved him off into a fence. demanded he take me to my car immediately or let me inside again to use the bathroom. he took me inside. put me in a laundry without a light or lock with a toilet. i removed tampon. came out. followed him upstairs to his bedroom. his housemate was in next room. i undressed myself. he undressed. we had sex. at some point he pushed my head down. held it down until i gave oral sex. all through he shh-ed at me. then took me back to my car.
>
> my friend thinks rape. i dont think anything that bad. rape is brutal worse.
>
> still i feel worse than pus.
poster:Kath
thread:310799
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040209/msgs/311624.html