Posted by Angielala on February 6, 2004, at 8:21:40
In reply to Re: My two cents, posted by socialdeviantjeff on February 6, 2004, at 0:07:21
Your story is amazing... I'm almost speechless...
(If you don't want to talk about this any further I COMPLETELY understand, just tell me to shut up ;))
How/Did you come forward with all of this to your parents at all when you were younger?
> This is just my opinion, but I've read a lot of behavioral pathology studies and I firmly believe that any form of abuse or bad circumstances (poverty being a big one) early in life causes people to have a much greater risk of problems later on.
>
> I also think genetics play a huge roll. If you could point me to that New Zealand study, Racer, I would appreciate it. :)
>
> Myself for instance. I went to a private school in Kindergarten where was abused sexually by one staff member. I was abused verbally and physically (bullying is a chickens**t term IMO) by the kids. I was also isolated for long periods of time in this anteroom of the principals office for hours on end with nothing but a desk in the room and not checked on.
>
> It was no wonder I developed a conduct problem and was kicked out of the school. Later I was diagnosed with ADHD. Go figure.
>
> Through the grade school years I was abused by the other kids. I suppose you could say that I was the perfect victim. From age 6 on I could never tell my doctors, therapists, parents, or teachers what happened. I was both scared to death of telling and trying to repress at thesame time.
>
> These are my most poignant childhood memories. I can't remember chrismases, birthdays or any of that sort of thing. I can't even look at a picture or watch a home video from that time without a big upheaval.
>
> Much the same in Junior High. Once I was pushed into a band saw and still have the scar from where my fingertip was put back together. Did I tell anyone I was pushed? Nope. Said my hand slipped.
>
> Things were different in High school. I fell in with the "goths". They were accepting and fun to be around. I got my revenge on the kids and the school system to some degree by making myself so "scary" that I was untouchable.
>
>
> Fast forward to today. Major pychotic depression with comorbid GAD (SA being the biggest part of it). I also have some compulsive problems. I'm also Dysgraphic and probably dyscalculic. Every day is a struggle.
>
> On one positive note, I have become hyper-vigilant about what goes on with my 5-year old daughter. I am also very careful to not let her pick up on that. She is happy, self-reliant and well adjusted with a great support network behind her. It's the only thing I can give myself credit for.
>
> I am alsodealing with a predatory former boss and speaking out about him is incredibly challenging.
>
> Time for a smoke. I hate remembering all this crap.
poster:Angielala
thread:308985
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040131/msgs/310100.html