Posted by Racer on February 5, 2004, at 15:02:55
In reply to Re: Social anxiety and bullying, posted by Angielala on February 5, 2004, at 11:27:02
Yep, when I look back, I can see the same sorts of things in my life. First there was the {ahem} *obvious* problem: Big Boobs. I had 'em, so I got to fill a vital role in my school: School Slut. Didn't matter that I'd never even kissed a boy, didn't matter that I'd never had any consentual contact with anyone in my life. I had big boobs, so I must be trying to get sexual attention and was therefore the school slut.
The problem was that some of the teachers reacted to me based on that, as well as the other kids. Realizing that the teachers *believed* in the truth of my reputation was devastating.
Then, in high school, I was kicked out of math class. The other kids were bullying me so much, the teacher took me aside one day and told me he couldn't handle it, so he was kicking me out of the class.
Well, we're talking about a 15 year old kid here, so what could I see? What could I do? I dropped out of school, took the equivalency exam the first time it was offered after my 16th birthday, and screwed up the rest of my life, because, after all, the teachers had told me that I just wasn't worth any better.
So, um, wanna talk about the good things that have happened in my life? Wanna talk about my college GPA? It was 4.0, those idiot teachers in jr high and high school were wrong -- I *did* have the ability to learn, and I *did* have the motivation to work hard to do so. The empirically observable facts say that they were wrong, and that they failed to do their jobs successfully.
Guess what? Empirical isn't enough. I'm still, inside myself, that cringing child (yes, no matter how I felt then, I *was* a child), the one everyone picked on, the one the teachers abandoned, the one who had no place to go for protection and safety. Doesn't matter what else I've done in my life. Never will matter what else I've done in my life.
And I've got resentment built up over the total unfairness of it, too. I've worked with high risk kids, I've worked in facilities that provide services for children. I've seen the care that is taken to identify the children at risk for abuse, the care that is taken to make sure the guy who's coming to pick up little Susie really is authorized to take her home. I've seen it. NOW, when it's too late for me, those protections are in place. And I doubt a single one of my old teachers or therapists has ever even thought of me since then, never wondered, "Gee, I wonder if that was *her* problem? Maybe I should have asked..."
And one last thing, which really enrages me now: no one ever did ask me. If anyone had asked me, if anyone had ever said, "gee, has anyone ever touched you inappropriately?" I'd have answered. I would have told all about it. I couldn't start the conversation about it, because that would have been betraying my mother, but I'd sure as hell answered.
Guess that's the long version of "I can empathise with you..."
poster:Racer
thread:308985
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040131/msgs/309838.html