Posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 15:00:49
In reply to Dealing with anger, posted by Asya on January 17, 2004, at 18:41:58
I know that for me personally I live hours away from my mother. And she is emotionally unavailable as well. I limit my phone calls to her. When she calls, I talk until I can handle it and then I make an excuse to hang up. I only see her ocassionally and for short amounts of time (a week at the most), so that helps.
As for letting go of the anger, personally I was never angry at her. I was angry at myself. I told myself it was my fault, and I was abused by her. Now, I realize that she is and was hurting and needs help that she refuses to get. She too was abused by her mother. So I've decided to not let the cycle continue when I have children. Actually, a lot of the reason I started therapy was because I noticed I was turning into my mother. OH NO! Forgiveness came from a decision I made to myself to start getting better and to realize that she didn't mean to take her own problems out on me. And I know that she still doesn't. It still hurts when I call to tell her I 'm in the hospital and she replies, "What do you want me to do about it?" but I also try to realize that she's in a worse place than I am. I also don't call her if I'm in a situation when I need support.
My suggestion would be limit your contact and do everything you can to help mend your feelings towards your mother. Once you feel better, you'll be better able to handle how you feel towards her and your situation. I know I do.
Hope that helped answer your question?
poster:Karen_kay
thread:302113
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040109/msgs/302351.html