Posted by kara lynne on November 24, 2003, at 19:42:17
In reply to Re: Saturday night, lonely/ sienna » kara lynne, posted by sienna on November 24, 2003, at 15:46:13
Dear sienna,
Thank you, I love your blah blah. There is really no good reason for this obsession, unless I really don't ever find anyone else. And even then some would argue. I do think we seem alike too, except and unfortunately for the age part--that's just you sensing my arrested emotional development. I never thought it would be an issue, but here I am feeling like it's too late and I never caught up with myself.Oh but I blah blah myself. Fallsfall reminds me that I was not happy when I was with him, and suggests I go back and read some of my old posts. I think I will---if I can stomach it.
It's just a default obsession, I guess. And I still can't help being drawn to the qualities that drew me to him in the first place. But bottom line--I wasn't happy, he got mean, it wasn't going anywhere. It is just so hard not to equate the failure of the relationship with my being unworthy.
I am trying to get out, and get out of bed. Last night I saw Love Actually, but my friend and I agreed it further augmented our singleness. I think my next movie is going to be Bad Christmas, or whatever that one with Billy Bob Thornton is. That way I'm guaranteed not to get too sentimental.
You know how you measure things in terms of years...like I keep thinking where I was with him last year, yadda yadda. But here I am now, trying to accept that it's over.
I have to do something to feel stronger and better about myself, whatever that may be. Preferably I would be able to do it lying down.
I'm glad you're clear with your guy about what you will and will not put up with. You sound a lot stronger yourself. Thank you for sharing some of that strength over my way...
((((sienna))))
poster:kara lynne
thread:282734
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031124/msgs/283380.html