Posted by socialdeviantjeff on November 19, 2003, at 22:40:49
I'm afraid I'm irrevocably screwing up my life. I've lived with my parents for years. I'm in debt. My job is a nightmare. I don't even have enough energy to work part time anymore.
Yesterday I mailed off a complaint about my manager to the Labor Commission. I don't want to talk specifics; this was harrassment, exclusion, lost time,refusing accomodation and maybe even libel that went on for months. I did all my research, and I'm reasonably sure of my rights. Problem is, I don't know what I'm entitled to. I'm in a bad way moneywise and can't afford representation. I still get so many "what ifs" and I'm so worried about what will happen with the case.
And that's not all. I've been able to trace the roots of many of my problems back abuse at a private school when I was 6. Besides doing something plainly illegal, I can't come up with any remedy that would bring closure. I'm 25 and I think I'm past the time I could have maybe sued.
My daughter is almost 6 and I worry so intensely about her. I try not to show it. She's been going to a great private school for 3 years. I am allowed to visit anytime, sit in as long as I want with her (I do frequently) and the communication with the staff is excellent. She is happy and well-adjusted. I still worry so much about something bad happening to her. I love her so much and I'm afraid of messing things up with my own problems.
My problems are way too much and too many.I wish I wasn't here. I'd rather be dead than just existing. If it wasn't or my daughter I would be dead already. But even now I wonder. What's more selfish of me? Put them through one really bad moment and they hopefully get over it, or spend a lifetime being a financial and emotional burden to everyone for certain.
poster:socialdeviantjeff
thread:281499
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031113/msgs/281499.html