Posted by femlite on November 18, 2003, at 12:30:57
In reply to Family Anger, Dysfunction, Can You Stop It? LONG, posted by Susan J on November 18, 2003, at 11:07:30
> I refuse to let my family (including myself) hurt my brother more by entrenching ourselves in our own bad behavior. Do you think sharing this theory (as objectively as possible) with my family might do any good? Or should I just stay the he** out of it?
>
> SusanHi Susan
I am certainly no expert on family relationships but here are some things Ive found helpful.We have to be willing to let people make their own mistakes. I know that sounds overly simple, but it is really deeply true and necessary. Let them. The fact is you cant prevent it and might only interfere with their need to learn their own life lessons and cause yourself greater anguish.
Im not saying we should never offer advice or comfort, but it is usually best to wait till asked, when someone gives us permission to speak into their life, our advice has a better chance of being heard. (I rant on occasion myself at people I love but try as I get older to make it the exception)
I believe in God and so asking for spiritual help is invaluable to me. Having said that, truth can be found in many places, and I have greatly bennifited from the Dali Lama's advice on happiness.
Everyone wants to be happy.
That is what we all are striving for. Some believe they will find happiness buy creating co-dependency. You and i may know that they wont. But at this moment in their lives they cant hear that. They have to realize it for themselves.
But if we look at the actions of each individual with that idea in mind, (they are just doing what they believe will make them happy), our eyes will look with compassion, and our heart will be less grieved.
I hope you find peace for your heart. Give yourself the gift of backing up emotionally, and watching it from a distance, with lots of deep breaths.
best regards
poster:femlite
thread:280839
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031113/msgs/280858.html