Posted by kara lynne on September 23, 2003, at 15:36:41
In reply to kara might have been unwise./ fallsfall, posted by kara lynne on September 21, 2003, at 23:08:19
I can understand why no-one would want to read this. I'm passing out awards to anyone who will.
I had to seriously consider whether or not I wanted to get back with the ex. Sending the letter was good, but apparently it was not the closure letter I originally intended it to be. Instead it got me through to another level--of what I don't know.
So I had a moment. I felt good and strong and we talked--about the letter, about our feelings. It seemed to be a good conversation. He called the next day and said he was so encouraged that he wanted to see me. I left a message that I was busy--because I was too afraid. My moment of power had passed.
It's been 2 days and nothing. I was happier knowing I wanted to talk to him--at least I felt clear. But maybe this is where my thinking is off---he *did* ask to see me and I said no. Maybe I'm expecting too much and should have just gone with what he was offering, when he was offering it. Maybe this idea of being 'pursued' is romantic illusion. After all, we had an honest conversation and his message seemed heartfelt. And now I'm left to interpret the silence in 150 ways; silence that *I* initiated.
fallsfall reminded me of a most important point that we didn't discuss--him dealing with his verbal abuse if we ever did get back together. It's the 'I'm working on him and me and us and he's working on_____?' question.
In certain ways I feel better that we talked. To hear him you'd really believe that he loved me--until I don't hear from him for a few days, or until he can't squeak out a sentence with any commitment words without almost vomiting.
I know I have to focus on my own life. Like my counselor says, I have to be ok with or without him. That is key.
That is what I will take with me today.
Thank you.
I haven't thought of the award yet.
poster:kara lynne
thread:260066
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030913/msgs/262714.html