Posted by Penny on June 28, 2003, at 17:05:31
I just got a letter from my grandmother. My mom's mom, who I've been very close to my entire life. She's concerned about me and said that she can't talk to me anymore because I won't listen and that I need to 'try harder' to overcome the depression and that I need to 'believe in the power of prayer' and so on and so forth.
I am so ANGRY right now I could SCREAM!!!!! She just doesn't get it and I wish she would just keep her thoughts to herself. Honestly, it makes me want to just go take all the pills I have and be done with it. Really. I won't right now, because I do have *some* hope, but I really really want to. I am SO fed up with everyone thinking they understand, with everyone giving me the same f%*$&@ pep talk that I have heard so many times it makes me want to puke!!!!! Honestly, I don't know how much more I can stand.
I can't talk to my 'best friend' anymore because she's constantly getting upset with me and because she does the same things - tells me how to beat the depression. And I can't talk to my mom either. AND my grandmother took a shot at my therapist and pdoc, both of who I trust with my life, by saying that there's only so much they can do for me (duh) and that she really really thinks I'm overmedicated and that my mind is playing tricks on me.
HUH????
She said I should listen to my body and realize that my pdoc is just human. I know he's human. If he wasn't human, he could probably just 'fix' me, quick and easy. But I have come so far in this. Things have gotten easier over time, though certainly not thanks to my family and friends.
Anyway, I'm just so frustrated right now I'm nearly in tears. Oh hell, I am in tears. Been sleeping all day then wake up to take the dogs for a walk and check the mail and there's that letter, and something told me to not read it now, that I knew the jist of it, but I didn't listen to that little voice. Wish I had... :-((
Perhaps I should check myself into the psych ward. My therapist said they have a good program.
And to think that my grandmother wanted me to come down for July 4th weekend. It really hurts me to have to not deal with her, because I'm always afraid something's going to happen to her and then what?? But I really just can't deal with her right now. Can't deal with any of them right now.
Penny
poster:Penny
thread:237746
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030626/msgs/237746.html