Posted by babs on May 21, 2003, at 20:58:15
In reply to Guys can help too, you know..., posted by paxvox on May 21, 2003, at 20:09:52
I'm sorry Pax, I know guys can help too. I guess I just thought it was more of a female personal interest story. Thank you for letting me know that guys masturbate all the time even when they have other forms of "release"- that makes me feel better. I felt so bad when I found out he was maturbating four times a week because he didn't want to bother me. I'm looking forward to trying out my new toy with him.
To answer your question about why we're not married, I guess it's a long story. Let's see. The first year we were together, we were long distance. I was in NE and he was in california. The second year, I moved out to California and got extremely depressed. This took a real toll on our relationship because he thought it was his fault. It took him a long time to understand that I wasn't unhappy with him- I was clinically depressed. The third year we were together, I was recovering from my depression, trying to find the right combo of meds and we were adjusting to living together. He got laid off and went through a really stressful time. Then we decided to move back east so I could go to grad school. So we move back East and I'm thinking, yeah, things will settle down, we'll get engaged, life will be good. Two months after we move home, my mom is diagnosed with terminal stomach cancer (she was my best friend) and she just passed away April 8th. So the long and short of it is that there has never been a time when our lives have been unstressful enough to contemplate marriage. We ahve just kind of been hanging on for the ride life has given us. I suspect my boyfriend suffers from depression too because when I ask him why we're not married yet, he tells me he feels like he can barely take care of himself ( sounds like depression to me!).
It scares me to death that we're not married yet- I have these anxious thoughts like because we're not married, there is something wrong with our relationship and things are never going to work out. But at the same time I panic when I think about a wedding- I don't panic at the thought of being married to him, I panic at the thought of a wedding day. Sometimes I wonder if the obsessions I have are a result of his inability to commit. I don't know.
I'm sorry- I know you asked a simple question but it's a complicated answer. I'd love to hear what you think about all this from a guy's point of view. Sometimes I think that saying we're not married because there hasn't been a unstressful time is just an excuse, sometimes I think it's valid. But at this point in my life, it seems like there is never going to be an unstressful time because it seems like it's always just one thing after another. Thanks for listening Pax. You be well.
poster:babs
thread:228158
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030517/msgs/228215.html