Posted by WorryGirl on May 13, 2003, at 11:06:59
In reply to The cheap life, posted by Eddie Sylvano on May 13, 2003, at 9:50:47
> There's a good argument in there for not spoiling your kids. I live nearby a high school, and every day after lunch, on my way home to work, I'm passed by dozens of teenage girls in new SUVs, cigarette in hand, hand flopping out the window, slight sneer on face. These kids go on to leak through college, and then have this sense of entitlement about them, as if they deserve $60K per year fresh from college for no real reason. And then their parents probably pull some strings and lend some money to meet their expectations for them. It also contributes to the massive debt that many people are in. When it's a *necessity* to live an upper-middle class lifestyle, all the people below that feel like it's imperative that it still be attained.
There's a high school very close to us with these same type of kids driving expensive SUVs, even hummers. And you are right. It will be a necessity for them to continue that kind of lifestyle. What happens when mom and dad's money runs out, or they pass away? If they haven't married someone wealthy they are lost and can't make it. It's really not their fault and is a shame. That attitude of entitlement doesn't arouse feelings of sympathy either.
There were people who thought we must be well off when I was younger because my parents scraped to send us to church school. But we wore clothes from K Mart and I got teased a lot about that and other things. Name brands were a foreign language to my frugal parents (out of necessity, and they thought name brands were vain). It hurt badly, but that, along with my early adulthood financial struggles taught me appreciation for what we have now.
That's why I don't usually let the "little things" bother me too much now. Last year my husband surprised me when he took me out to buy a new car to replace my Saturn sedan that I'd had for 7 years. It was getting crowded carrying 2 little ones in there! Only a month after we got the new car, someone in the parking lot scraped the paint off some of the side. My first thought was pure fury, but then I kind of laughed and said, well, what's a station wagon if it doesn't look lived in? I never got it fixed - maybe one of these days.> By gum, when I was younger, things were different. I got my first job at 12, moved out at 18 with $25 in hand, worked my way through community college with a produce job at a grocery store, lived in an ancient $200 a month apartment (utilities included!), rode the bus, rode my bike, ate Ramen noodles and macaroni, and generally struggled to get by for 6 years until I graduated state college and got a relatively decent job (which I found entirely on my own). No one gave me a dime for college, housing, or anything. It was hard, but it really didn't bother me that much at the time, and I feel like I more truly appreciate what I have now because I remember how thin things were until recently.
That was a lot of responsibility you took on at an early age - what a lot of accomplishments to be proud of! You remind me of my dad. He started working full time at 13 and went to high school. He married my mother right before being drafted in the early 60s. He has always worked hard and taken pride in what he did. Unfortunately he wasn't always around for us which I know he now regrets. He has known nothing but financial struggle his entire life, but never borrowed or asked for money. HE is the type of person to never draw attention to himself or brag and I think he has gotten taken advantage of, but he continued to plug along taking care of us. My parents now live a decent middle class life and are very appreciative of what they have now, too. But they can be much too serious about the little things going wrong all the time - it's hard not to be with so much stress in everyone's lives, and they have had so many things go wrong in the past.
> I'm thinking of all this because I'm considering buying a run down house in my neighborhood (it's crazy cheap), and fixing it up. I just know that anyone who sees it will think I'm a fool, wanting to move into such a dump, like it's totally insane. Why don't I buy a new house, in a prestigious neighborhood? (answer: they cost way too much).
Buy the house! But keep in mind that the house will consume you for a while and you will spend some money renovating, but overall it is usually cheaper and more rewarding. We are still finishing the improvements on our house.
I constantly overhear conversations about people who have just bought new houses, but it sounds like they have to spend a lot on those, too, especially landscaping. Older houses often have character and usually a lot more mature trees. That's what I love about ours - all the shady trees in the back yard.
Who cares if there is a dirt road or whatever leading to the house?
In my city, the only place it is prestigious to buy "fixer-uppers" is close to the city in the artsy areas. The bohemian life continues to be alive and thriving. If we could afford it, we would try it, but the bohemian life is quite expensive these days! Read "Bobos in Paradise" (bourgeous (sp?) bohemians) by David Brooks sometime. The "fixer-uppers" in those areas usually start at $300K for 2 bedroom, 1 bath "cottages". These are the kind of people who think nothing of spending thousands of dollars for a "natural" slate shower stall to be at one with nature, but scorn materialistic and showy home theatres. You get the picture!> I'm rambling, but this gets back to the point of my original post. No one else would even consider buying a crappy house on a dirt road. It's beneath them. It represents failure. From my perspective, though, it could be a tent for all I care. I just need somewhere to evade vagrancy, and this is the cheapest option. What else really matters? Am I being extreme? It's in this sense that I feel I don't take my life seriously. I don't care about my place in society. I don't sweat the details, but I don't sweat the centerpiece either. I used to feel this way because I didn't care if I lived or died, so what else mattered? Now, my depression is pretty well suppressed, but I still have this outlook. Nothing ultimately matters to me beyond survival and decency. I'm not really trying to accomplish anything, and that probably concerns the people around me more than the worst depression ever could.
IF you are happy with choice/choices you've made you're not a failure. It is disatisfaction with your life (unhappiness) that represents more of a failure. My mother-in-law told me that when her grandfather died, his tombstone read something like "A man of humble means, but rich in the things that mattered". He was buried next to his devoted wife and was truly a successful man.
poster:WorryGirl
thread:226042
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030506/msgs/226320.html