Posted by Kar on April 15, 2003, at 15:54:20
In reply to question about our futures, posted by mmcasey on April 15, 2003, at 9:02:01
...aren't they?
I agree wholehearted with whomever said, "What is ok?"...ok for us or ok for the rest of the world? We appreciate the "oks" a lot more than others; I truly believe that. Even when i'm down deep in the well I can think back on when I was good. Know that I will be good again. Then when I am good again, I want to live life to the fullest and (not in a manicky way- just an enthusistically "oh my God here's my old self- I better take advantage if it") plan and get things done and be happy and work out and read and socialize and ....live. There is always a "walking on eggshells" feel to my ups. A month ago I had a record of over 2 months of being fairly consistently good (I don't get manicky anymore ala trileptal and Lamictal). And I wanted to make plans and commit to something...but couldn't.I think what's happened with me is that I've come to a realization that there will always be depressions (as Eddie said) and some cycling. i hope and actually believe (haha- probably because I feel good at this moment!) that life can be mostly or at the very least more good than bad. Sometimes it takes forever to get to that point but I do believe that with the proper meds, etc. (given the luxury of availability and money for these meds) things can be better.
I think about this a lot too...and as Leeran described, often look back. Well grad school was good...wait a minute...I had to drop all of those classes...well college...well high school...
I was dx'd when I was 16 and I'm 33 now. it's taken a long time to get where I am today. And "where I am" is yet to be firmly established or proven. It's been a bad few years. i haven't worked in 2 years, we've tried med combos after combos. Finally something brought Karen back. I hope.I joked with a friend that in 30 years they will looking back at what we all went through and shake their heads in disgust..."You didn't have the neural-tranmitto-electrode-placement diagnoses then?"...How arcane huh?
Well this has been a brain dump.
I think for all of us there is the potential to find the right combo (of everything) and to have ups and down just like "normal people" do.
Just a matter of making the journey.Take care! ...and have a good trip :D
poster:Kar
thread:219511
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030414/msgs/219603.html