Posted by Dinah on April 5, 2003, at 11:40:41
I was really hoping the risperdal on an as needed basis was the answer to my meltdowns. But now I'm afraid of taking it for fear of movement disorders. So now I look ahead to a lifetime of periodic meltdowns, with no really effective medical alternatives. I'll just have to ride them out with the help of my long suffering friends, family, and therapist. Such a dismal and totally exhausting future. I've come to realize that all the therapy in the world isn't going to stop them, there has got to be a biological component.
There are a few events in my life that could possibly happen that would make my life totally unbearable. I have long since come to the conclusion that if any of those events should occur my only choice would be to hurl myself from... well never mind where. And to hell with the havoc and pain I would leave behind. With Risperdal, I saw another possible solution short of the hurling one. I suppose that under those circumstances, the risk of movement disorders seems pretty unimportant. So I guess I can still think of Risperdal as my ace in the hole? If things hit the unbearable status, I can still ask to be hospitalized and given heavy drugs, and who really cares if I get movement disorders. It's better than the alternative, right?
Ok, that's helped me a bit. I may have to live with the periodic meltdowns, but I don't have to live with the unbearable.
I know I'm not being reasonable. I'm not feeling reasonable. I'm feeling angry. I hate meltdowns. I don't want to have any more. And nothing else touched them. Ego glue, I saw someone call the atypical antipsychotics once. I want my ego glue. :((((((
poster:Dinah
thread:216444
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030401/msgs/216444.html