Posted by sjb on September 24, 2002, at 14:38:18
Hi,
I'm not in therapy at the moment, so I'd like to ask this board for advice.
I use to be really close to my sister, but in the last few years, I've really started to avoid her and just don't like her anymore. I guess I have a lot of guilt 'cause she a really kind and generous person and the "hub" of our family. Always has the events, dinners, coordinates get-togethers and stuff.
Some things have happened. Growing up she used to be my hero. She was beautiful and tough. Now, since I've moved away and married a very intelligent man, and have seen more of the world, my politcal views have become more and more liberal. I'm a hawk on environmental issues and human/animal rights. She's lives on a farm only miles from where I grew up, has SUVs, thinks interacial relationships are disgusting, snowmobiles for fun (one snowmobile = 100 cars!), her husband and kids hunt, have lots of guns, you get the picture.
Oh, and her husband molested me when I was 17. For years I never let myself think about it, but it kinda came up when I was hospitalized and since then, although I would never tell her, I avoid her more. She has asked in the past, "What have I done to you?" I don't know how to answer although I've told her that I've changed a lot from the farm girl and that we don't have a lot in common anymore.
I've posted here, before, how she told me once the "When the going gets tough the tough get going", things like that, which really upset me, although she was well-meaning.
I'm rambling but I feel so guily. I can't seem to separate my political views from hers or not hold it against her. Plus, she just really irritates me now even when she doesn't say anythig I disagree with, she just so goody-two shoes and naive about things. I know I've hurt her by not seeing or talking to her much anymore or emailing her about what is going on in my life. I just can't stand to talk to her anymore and I REALLY don't like seeing her redneck husband.
I get along with my other sisters and parents ok, but I tell them nothing about my life and we're not close. I just call or email once in a while and am polite and ask the right questions. I tell them nothing anymore about my depression 'cause they just don't get it, although I know they care and are well-meaning.
Why should we be close to family anyway? I just don't understand the pressure from society or why it's some big measure of your worth if you are close to family members. If you have nothing in common why can't you just go your separate ways?
poster:sjb
thread:30533
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020924/msgs/30533.html