Posted by Penny on June 8, 2002, at 4:43:18
In reply to Afraid to get better?, posted by SusanG on June 7, 2002, at 13:33:59
My thoughts exactly. I have discussed this concept with my therapist at length, and just before this latest downturn, I was feeling 'better'. I tried to go two weeks without seeing my pdoc, and boom, I'm back in the hole. Why? Because I WANT to see him? I do think that's part of it.
But I also think that the 'fear of getting better' is a symptom of the illness. B/c if we were truly 'well' we wouldn't be fearful of feeling happy. So I've had one of my clinicians acknowledge that while it is true that I might feel strange while undergoing a temporary reprieve from depression, she doesn't buy the 'fear of getting better' stuff. B/c she said it puts me in a position of being even harder on myself. If you think about it...it's like blaming yourself for not getting better. And we ALL know that, if really given the choice of living depression-free, we would. Because it's hell.
So, I guess what I'm asking, Susan, is for you to try to do the same thing I try to do and NOT BLAME YOURSELF by thinking 'I might not be doing everything I could be to get better.' No, you're probably not, b/c it would take a well person to do all of those things. You crave the attention b/c you NEED it. If you could choose to be well and not have to travel to the pdoc frequently and take meds and all that, you probably would make that choice. But it's not a choice, and you don't need to be so hard on yourself.
It takes one to know one, I know...
Love, Penny
poster:Penny
thread:25136
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020531/msgs/25141.html