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Re: Afraid to get better? » SusanG

Posted by shar on June 10, 2002, at 22:49:43

In reply to Re: Afraid to get better? , posted by SusanG on June 10, 2002, at 14:52:51

G Susan,
I sure hope you don't think my rantiness was pointed toward you personally! It isn't at all; plus, I know that there can be truth to an issue for some folks and not for others--for a thousand reasons. So, I am definitely not trying to change your spot, make you think differently! No way!

Now, I would hate to see you give yourself a ration of unwarranted shit because someone was blaming you for "staying" depressed, but that doesn't seem to be the case here at all. You seem to be undertaking a considered exploration of what's going on with you. That is healthy and courageous.

We sure do tippy toe on this board, don't we?

I am not in the least bit upset or offended or anything like that by your post or response, I like to say what's on my mind, and I expect others will do the same (if not, I hope they start!). It won't hurt me if someone believes something other than what I do.

I am delighted to hear that you had some hours of pleasure with no niggling voice to interrupt you. I hope you are finding the path to many more hours of the same!

Shar


> Shar, I knew I would push some buttons with this and that's why I was hesitant to post but I do appreciate you taking the time to respond. I guess my primary goal here is to think out loud about myself and to hear the perspectives of others. What I'm doing to exacerbate my depression may be entirely unique to me or may apply only to a few others. Putting things down in a post makes them more concrete and I'm hoping this will allow me to process my thoughts and feelings in the hope of MOVING ON. I realize these are concerns I should be bringing up to a therapist but I am not having a lot of success with my psychiatrist (you may have seen my post) so I turn to the very knowledgeable people here to help me sort this out. It is immensely helpful and I appreciate everyone's feedback.
>
> You are right, no one can give 100% effort 100% of the time. Doing what I can at any given moment is probably all I can ask of myself. This weekend I spent time being happy and just enjoying life for a few hours. For the first time in almost a year I didn't allow that little voice inside my head to ask, "What are you doing being happy? Don't you remember you are depressed?" I LET myself feel good and I enjoyed it for as long as it lasted. Some of the sadness returned because, of course, it isn't so simply resolved just by giving myself permission to be happy. But at least for a short time I removed that one factor. At any rate, please don't be offended by this as I am sure it doesn't apply to you or the vast majority, if not all, of the posters here. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.


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poster:shar thread:25136
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