Posted by shar on June 9, 2002, at 22:16:29
In reply to Afraid to get better?, posted by SusanG on June 7, 2002, at 13:33:59
This is a button of mine...people saying that sort of thing. Especially some of the folk I know -- ie, well, no wonder she still has cancer, she has such NEGATIVE THOUGHTS----arrrggghhh. As if the only people who recover only have positive thoughts!
IMHO the 'staying sick on purpose' school of thought is pretty much baloney, whether physical or mental health is being discussed. It is pretty easy to spot noncompliance...people don't take medication, miss dr.'s appointments, eat or drink things that are forbidden--on a regular basis.
The 'staying sick' school of thought is a little more insidious because IMHO it focuses on the fact that one isn't doing ALL ONE CAN to get better. That is, a sick person might have 75 things to do to get better, and maybe they only do 65.....that leaves 10 things the 'staying sick' school of thought can point to and say "see, you aren't REALLY trying to get better, if you were you'd be doing these other 10 things." (All these numbers are made up; for example only.)
Well, IMHO it is another way to blame the sick person for being ill. Out of those 75 things we need to do to get better, probably 10% (7) of them make a major difference--let's say meds, therapy, diet, exercise, and 3 other things. Those things probably make up 97% of what it takes to get better. The remaining 68 things account for 3% of what it takes to get better. (Again, numbers are just made up.)
I believe if one is basically giving it a good go, doing the most important things, then they do not fit into the 'wanting to stay sick' category. It isn't about doing EVERYTHING -- in other words, 100% compliance. Nobody can do 100% of what it takes all the time. It IS about making a serious effort to heal, doing the best we can, understanding we can't always control the factors that might make us less compliant (for example, depression-related fatigue may inhibit our exercise). Also acknowledging that at times we just don't do everything we can; we could be cranky, tired, too down, lonely. We don't have an immunity to the trials and tribulations around us.
Do we find sometimes that the idea of losing depression is unsettling? Yes, probably. It would be a change on many different levels of our lives, it would bring dramatic and new things into our lives. And that can be a little scary. Especially if we know there are good things we'd lose -- like getting cared for or attended to. Why wouldn't we feel nervous? Maybe we'd have to stop and deal with some of that. (Or feel nervous about it coming back!)
The one time I found a med that was effective in alleviating my depression/dysthymia I was an elated person. I didn't find I missed depression at all. I reveled in the energy I had, gloried in how 'gregarious' I had become, it was so easy to talk to people, go places, do things. I don't think I once thought about what I'd given up or wanting to be depressed again...nor have I seen many posts here that talked about that.
IMO we don't need to put too much weight, emphasis or credibility onto the idea that we want to stay sick. Or that we're afraid to get better. If we do have some of that, I bet it's like 4% of our total thoughts about depression. Not material.
Ranting Shar
poster:shar
thread:25136
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020531/msgs/25178.html