Posted by IsoM on April 26, 2002, at 20:09:56
In reply to ME TOO, posted by Manda on April 26, 2002, at 14:27:20
Manda, I'm so worn out & fragile right now, but I read your post. Don't do it, sweetie, please, please don't do it. Who says you're a burden? We don't want you gone. I know the feeling of pressure, deadlines to get all your work done on time & handed in. I couldn't do it - I just couldn't & tried so hard. The harder I tried, the less sleep I got, the stupider I became. I ended up auditing a mess of courses, losing my grant & screwing everything up. I sunk so far down.
But it's not the end - it's three years later & now I don't give a damn. I refuse to let them dictate at what rate I should learn & what I should learn - what's important & what's not. I'm still living & working. My life is more interesting anyway than it would be cloistered in some little lab, cloning little twigs in test-tubes, being told what to do as a 'flunky scientist' - yeah, real science, real important stuff.
My 26 year old son came just now & read over my shoulder - I didn't mind. He's been there. I had to haul him into our car 4 years ago & get him to a hospital as he was leaving to kill himself. He said that if anyone had ever told him then, that life could be better, would be better, it's not just he wouldn't believe them - he honestly couldn't imagine a life without pain & any hope for the future. His life has meaning now & as he says, others value him & love him.
I know you can't see ahead. We're blinded by our pain & can't even see whre to place our feet. Please let me be your eyes for now. Please stay to hear more & see more. Don't go, Manda, please, PLEASE don't go. Not you, not Lili, not anyone else. Please, I'm pleading for all of us.
poster:IsoM
thread:22664
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020422/msgs/22685.html