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Re: I'm so tired » fiona

Posted by IsoM on April 26, 2002, at 19:48:30

In reply to I'm so tired, posted by fiona on April 26, 2002, at 15:02:15

Fiona, I have no wisdom to offer - nothing to help in any way - just more questions. I feel so baffled by it all. Our minds are a landscape where the weather inside us blows. Somedays, it can be tranquil, peaceful & beautiful even. Then a wind blows. Our little mental garden we've tended is whipped about. Sometimes, it quickly dies down, other times, the storm gathers force & everything crashes & is broken. But on the outside, no one knows.

I'm so confused how the changes in mental chemistry do this to us. I feel frustrated & angry that all the will & strength one can summon won't control the mental storm. Most times, we don't even know what made it start. My determination isn't enough to halt it - my moods are prey to the whims of my chemistry. I hate it. I hate my malfunctioning body controlling my mind & I can't fix it.

Fighting it seems to lead to no where - just another day passes & it all repeats. I've accepted that my life is a cycle - ups & downs. Silly me, I'm always so optimistic when I'm up - convinced that I've got it licked for good now. But deep inside, I know it's just waiting to go down again. At least, the up side is becoming more frequent than the down side. Probably no sooner say this & I won't have any up sides for a long, long time. Oh, I hope not.

Keep pushing, Fiona. We all are. Sometimes, we push together, sometimes very much alone. But most of us here are still trying to get to the top too. We're in it together though that seems like little solace to offer.


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