Posted by DinahM on April 23, 2002, at 8:50:50
It's hard to live with the consequences of your actions. That's why I'm afraid to act.
But even so, the consequences come anyway. Because I just can't be careful enough. I need to be better. I make others uncomfortable and I live with the consequences. I melt down and I live with the consequences.
I just feel so alone. And that's my fault. I look around out of the corner of my eye to see how real people act, but I just can't seem to mimic them.
I like me just fine, but me-in-relation-to-others is fatally flawed. Always has been and always will be.
My therapist tells me that it's not my fault, that there are things about me that makes it hard for me to relate to others and hard for others to relate to me, but that it's not my fault. He says I choose not to believe that. But I don't choose not to believe it, I just don't understand the reasoning.
Am i here? Do I exist? Or am I just a figment of my own imagination.
I have to think the answer is to dig my burrow a bit deeper and thus not be confronted with the basic badness of me-in-relation-to-others. I just seem to have trouble doing that.
poster:DinahM
thread:22483
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020422/msgs/22483.html