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Pathetic isn't it?

Posted by Dinah on March 27, 2002, at 8:05:28

In reply to Re: Sorry if I misunderstood.So sensitive you know » beardedlady, posted by Dinah on March 27, 2002, at 7:00:17

I stand here like a cornered rat, trying to hold on to the sense of community I felt here for so many months. A sense that I could contribute and support others and a sense that I could find support here. A sense of community that I have found difficult to find elsewhere because of my being odd and different. A sense of community that I tried to extend to my real life. It's so important to me that I continue to post when I know I probably shouldn't. I continue to read when I know I shouldn't. And I am baffled, confused, and upset at how things changed.

But perhaps the fact that this community is so important to me is the problem. Or perhaps the problem is that no community is ready for me. Bearded Lady was right when she said:

"I worry, too, that this board might hurt some people. I have noticed a few folks here who really need help (!), and I don't think this forum is healthy for them--either because they are too sensitive or because they seem to be missing life. But that's their business, not mine. It's just an observation."

What life am I missing by being here? I haven't a wide circle of friends. I have my family and I continue to have them with or without this board. But there must be a driving desire to be part of a community even for an introvert like me. And I thought this was a level of community that I could tolerate.

So I continue to fight for my right to be here. Even if it's not in my best interests. REally pathetic isn't it.

So continue to post suggestions that I not post or read the board. Over time, my sense of community will be eroded and I will find myself able to leave here.

But in the meantime, as the cornered rat, being threatened with the loss of something important to me, I will continue to fight.

I let the girls in sixth grade run me off in tears without telling them how much they were hurting me. I may end up running off in tears, but this time I am going to express my pain.


 

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