Posted by kiddo on January 20, 2002, at 18:19:40
In reply to Re: Dreamer...are YOU alright???, posted by dreamer on January 20, 2002, at 9:50:12
Dreamer-
Comforting memories are important. You have to believe there is at least one out there somewhere perhaps unreachable right now because things are so out of sync.
It isn't a good sign that you have lost interest in the things that used to be important, but perhaps it is good in another way-if you can focus that interest toward yourself, in healing and getting better; becoming the dreamer you were or want to be.
I'm sorry for what's happened in your family. Sometimes the ones who are supposed to keep you safe and accept you for you who are unconditionally are the very ones who hurt us the most. I have no answers for that because I'm going through the same with mine.
I really do care. I don't pity you, but empathize because I've been there and know what it feels like to go through what you are...not necessarily the 'exact' same, I hope you know what I mean.
We have to change your outlook of the future. Perhaps 'temporarily medicated to help overcome an unfortunate setback'. The future will get better, I know it will. You have to stay strong; and although you may not feel like it, you are. You are still alive, and as long as you are, you are fighting it, and winning. Maybe not as quickly as you'd like or whatever, but you are winning.
You are a caring person dreamer. You asked about me when I went through this same thing not too long ago...as a matter of fact, I was taking the Lamictal and when I stopped taking it, that's when all of this started to get better. I was seeing things, hearing things, felt like I could crawl out of my skin, and that I was losing my mind...literally. If you are still taking it, consult your pdoc or whomever and find out if you can make a switch to something else, because the Lamictal may be causing it.
It's difficult, if not impossible to create when you are facing this kind of situation. You are still a genius at painting, it's only buried deep under a layer of cement, and will be there again, we only have to chip away and remove the chunks of damaging pieces to find it again.
Please talk to your pdoc or doctor about the Lamictal if you are still taking it alright?
I don't know why you should feel ashamed for being human....we all are, and I've not seen any behaviour that would warrant shame either?
Please hang in there dreamer...although the moon and stars have fallen out of reach, it's only a temporary setback-we'll get you back upon your cloud once more....
Remember, I DO care, I'm here if you need me....Kiddo
> > > i hold no comforting memories and now that i am mentall y ill cannot or unable to create new ones.
> I've lost all friends that were few anyway my brother has disowned me because of my illness.The rest of family can go to hell for what they did
> i find no interest in life career or love, creating family
> My future i see as being as drugged up as possible so i forget who what i am.and a painfree death.
> people really dont care they share to help themselves they may pity shed a tear but only temporarily .a past friend opened up to me just because he was pissed off used my misery for comfort- they use you then shut the door behind unaware -then i mess up others- .and i'm not a ware of it till later. i feel like just piece meat of symptoms for scribbling pencils a statistic for research (thats if your lucky) they can't work me out so where does that leave me how many more wasted years until i cry at my death bed "i'm cured.. i want to live",,so helpless completely alone an outsider and i dont care.only the self can help the self without trust faith and hope all remains is a living death.n
> No more cliques text book advice i really dont care for my-self .survival of the fittest and i am weak thanks to nuture and this messy brain. yes i was once a genius at painting and painting alone but my heart is dead the passion has left i'm tired.and i despise the stereotype.and game.
> eradidicate all memories then maybe there would be hope....thats impossible.its beyond feeling sorry for myself.i am ashamed of being human .and my behavour
>
> what happens......i try and find escape wait it out in pain noone can talk help me how many suicides have posted here to seek and not find to be ridiculed and others angry confused at there maddness.
> I dont know -the unseen the odd and they know it.
>
> I'm trying to keep away because the pc is ....I'm think i'm reading strange stuff subliminal messages and i'm having memory black outs and paranoid,this is the crash after whatever it was.
poster:kiddo
thread:16964
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020112/msgs/17021.html