Posted by galtin on October 13, 2001, at 7:02:46
In reply to Dependence on therapists, posted by Dinah on October 12, 2001, at 20:50:33
> Judy, in the thread above, mentioned that the theory of therapy is that you will get emotionally stronger and the dependence will sort of fade away. That is what my therapist says as well. Does anyone have any experience of that actually happening? Has anyone heard stories of that actually happening?
Dinah-Yes, I have had that experience. I recently finished four years of therapy--twice a week for three years and once a week for the fourth year. During the second and part of the third year, I became what I felt was far too dependent on my therapist. I, a male, had chosen a female therapist(mom issues). And although she is 20 years my senior, I developed a strong maternal but mostly romantic dependence on her. There was a period of time during which I could think and dream of little else. Looking back, I see that this was a routine case of transference ( At the time, I thought I was unique!) and an essential part of the therapeutic process. During the beginning of the third year, I did struggle with trusting her and thought many times of stopping the therapy because I was "cured." Of course I was not cured, but afraid.
On the trust, there was no magic formula. I never actually made a decision to trust; it just happened. I recognized it after the fact. Again, looking back, the move to trust was supported by the therapist's genuineness and integrity but was finally analogous to the Kierkegaardian "leap of faith." I could not make a decision--I just slipped into it. I was motivated by knowing that the therapy would not be "successful" if I kept the therapist at an emotional arms length.
It is now six months since I finished. How did I know that it was time to stop? Two things, I think. First, I felt that I had gained freedom of choice. The black cloud of self-hate that had enveloped me for many years left. I could decide how to behave based not on this pathology but based instead on self-respect and ethical considerations. Second, after plunging into trusting my therapist I was became able to trust (in some measure anyway) other people. What I had previously been able to speak about with only the therapist, I could now discuss with a few friends. Thus, my therapist-dependence gradually waned.
Post-therapy life is not idyllic or pain free, and I can still make stupid decisions. But I no longer feel cursed, no longer feel that I am the purpose for the whole of creation. I have a capacity to forgive,to look on others with a measure of charity, and to look at myself with a measure of clarity. I don't always do this, but I have the capacity. And since I no longer loath myself, I can learn, if I so choose, from my mistakes.
Despite my occasional delusions of grandiosity, I am just a regular guy. I did not bring anything special to the therapy that made it work. So, I hope it works for you as well.
galtin
poster:galtin
thread:12459
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011006/msgs/12465.html