Posted by Kristi on September 24, 2001, at 5:23:05
In reply to Re: what are words? do they matter?, posted by Jane D on September 24, 2001, at 3:36:57
> Sar,
>
> Wow. You sure do raise some interesting questions.
>
> I think it may depend on the answer to a couple of questions. Was he drunk, or otherwise incompetent, too? Was there any way that he could have (or should have) known that you weren't capable of consenting? If he was as drunk as you were I think the best parallel may be with sex between two minors. It may not involve a truly informed choice but, unlike sex between a minor and an adult, neither party is really to blame. If he was not falling down drunk AND he knew that you were it is a different matter.
>
> I have to differ with Kristi on one point.
> Words do matter. Whether you feel you were raped or not is important but, therapeutic philosphies notwithstanding, it does not in fact determine whether you were. Using the word rape invokes a legal meaning for most people, not a psychological one, and it is a very serious meaning. It determines whether someone else should go to prison. If you feel you were raped, when you were not, it just means is that certain experiences can make you feel the same way that being raped does.
Jane, I really feel I must defend myself..... I did not mean that in any shape or form. I wanted to get a feel of how Sar was, and how she was thinking, before I formed an opinion about what she was asking. She wrote what happened, but now how she felt. Do you know what I mean? Not did she feel for the guy.... but her whole general feel of the situation. She's asking for our opinion. I'm curious as to what hers is. If you wanted to go that far... what does "was he drunk too" matter?
> It was very important to broaden the definition of rape to include more than assaults by strangers using weapons. It is equally important not to cheapen the definition by including every instance where, in retrospect, sex should not have taken place.
>
> None of that helps you answer what happened. From your description it sounds like you may never know. If it were me, I think I would decide to believe it was a drunken mistake. It probably was, you probably can't know for sure, and you'll have most of the world to keep you company.
>
> Jane
poster:Kristi
thread:11709
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010915/msgs/11716.html