Posted by sar on September 24, 2001, at 1:32:17
hello...
i've been hesitant to post this. a few months ago, in july, i started a thread called "headache" in which i described having drunken sex with a bum who was squatting in my old burned-down house. what i didn't write was that i don't remember how a kiss turned into sex, but i do remember being, ahem, pardon me, f*cked, like i didn't move at all, i was on my back in a drunken daze letting this guy do his thing, and my minf was playing tricks on me telling me it was my friend M. that i was having sex with.
so a few days ago i bonded heavily & nicely with this girl who has anxiety and depression, along with PTSD from abuse and having been raped, and when i told her the story of having sex with the bum she took a long drag from her cigarette and said, "i think you were raped." based on that i was really out of my mind and non-particpant, put i did *acquisce.*
i don't know that labels qualify as very much anyway, i don' want to feel like a rape-survivor...o don't want it to be part of my repertoire....but my mind vlocks things out, i become nihislistic, who knows how much i agreed or disagreed?
anyway, here's my question: as a kid and teenager, i was verbally and physically abused pretty badly, and the results have resurfaced in my quasi-adult life. i'm just wondering if this sounds like rape or drunk sex--please be honest; i've gotta deal with it either which way...
thanks,
sar
poster:sar
thread:11709
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010915/msgs/11709.html