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Re: family support » paxvox

Posted by Kingfish on August 25, 2001, at 19:16:03

In reply to family support, posted by paxvox on August 24, 2001, at 11:23:20

> Paxvox:

I am going through something so similar right now. I don't have the answers at all, but wanted to offer some support. And since it's from a female perspective, maybe it's interesting.

I'm just coming out of a major depressive episode - last weekend I told my husband I wanted to go into the hospital, was worried about the number of suicidal thoughts, etc. He just couldn't handle it. This one was probably the worse one he's seen. He's been short with me throughout it, not supportive at all. This time he asked for literature on the illness (BP) but I just haven't had the energy to pull it together yet (I've been sleeping since starting Depakote a few days ago).

O.K., to try to keep it short, I think that everyone here's hitting it on the head. I think our spouses feel like they should be able to "fix it." Even if they have come to terms with it as a physical decision, there must still be some feeling of "why can't they snap out of it." And the meds alone are so trying on our bodies. If someone hasn't been through it...

I think I'm going to ask my husband to read parts of Andrew Solomon's new book, Noonday Demon. He just can't see how it's impossible for me to get out of bed some days. Perhaps that will help. I kept telling him two weeks ago I couldn't think straight enough to discuss anything. After nine years, together, he still doesn't understand.

My pdoc has suggested exactly was Susan has - that we need to get a third, non-involved opinion. I wish I were religious, because it would be simpler to have a parish to go to for that.

Just remember, that you're bound to break down at some point if you take on to much. I am slowly learning to set up my life for the long run, to listen to my energy (which, granted, is ziltch, right now), and I'm even thinking of how to plan as stress-free an existence as possible once I'm not sleeping everyday. (In other words, I may not have the most perfectly folded laundry on the block - all right, it's hardly ever folded.)

Back to the marriage: it was a great freedom for me, to realize this past spring, that I didn't have to stay in my marriage, if it wasn't for the best. It just wasn't something I had ever allowed to cross my mind. That has allowed me not to feel guilty about things such as needing to take care of myself when in a depressive state, or sleeping because of medication. Before that, I would have tried to continue my life as usual, probably using alcohol to help me get through it.

Again, sorry, not much help. But much empathy.

- K.


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