Posted by shelliR on July 8, 2001, at 14:42:51
In reply to Re: is suicide ever rational?________________nyet! » kazoo, posted by Marie1 on July 8, 2001, at 8:13:03
I'm having a really bad day today ; had added concerta to my mix on Friday and today am feeling very very down. And so finally I read through this thread.
I totally agree with Marie. I don't believe that parents ever ever get over the death of a child, and suicide is the worst because they perhaps feel if only they had been there, done something etc.
So far there have been two things that have kept me from killing myself. One is my parents. They were not great parents when I was growing up, but as an adult, they have supported me in every way they know how. To know that I would be causing them such enormous pain makes opting out of life very very difficult.
The second also has already been mentioned. What lies in store after life? I don't have any clue, but there are people that "know" they've been here before. If you believe in East Indian philosophy, you must live many lives until you learn the lessions you need to. Suicide would bring you a step back, and you'd have to relive what you would not accept.
I don't know if reincarnation is a reality, but I don't want to take a chance that I would have to learn this lesson again.
Years ago I was alone in New Mexico (Santa Fe, Taos area). I had gone from a workshop and spent days and evenings with people for seven days (too much stimulation for me). Now I had decided to stay out there longer, alone. Too large a transition. I got totally freaked and depressed. I started asking any Indian I talked to there (mostly Navaho) whether they believe in reincarnation. They do, but because they respect all living things (seeing anything as equal), your next incarnation is not seen as punishment, reward, or the search for nirvana. Basically your task in life is to be the best you can. So if you are a blade of grass you only must be the best blade of grass you can be.
Often if I feel like a failure, I say to myself, "You are being the best blade of grass, you can." I use the term blade of grass instead of person, because it really makes the acceptance thing totally hit home for me. So that has helped me alot with successes and failures. But the deep deep depression I have felt in the last two years, is so almost physically painful--in my chest. Perhaps " being the best blade of grass, I can" means living a bit more gracefully with pain, as I search for new ways to make the pain go away.
Not really an answer to "is suicide ever rational", but as close as I can get.
Shelli
p.s. if I was a Navaho, they would have a sweating ceremony for me, which might work better than any of these ADs
poster:shelliR
thread:7031
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010706/msgs/7205.html