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Nikki, all I can say is ouch (np) :)

Posted by tina on June 13, 2001, at 14:59:05

In reply to Re: I'm too scared to ask for help » Rach, posted by NikkiT2 on June 13, 2001, at 14:42:53

> Wish I knew what to say to you hun... you know none of us will abandon you though, and we a re there when you feel you can come to us...
>
> I;m in a pretty bad place right now, so find the irght words very hard to find...
>
> At the momebt when that urge to hurt gets too much I've taken up plucking!!! Done a whole patch on my leg, and now gonna start the bikini line!! (well, what with the holiday and all!!)... it seems to work for me, so try it!!
>
> Hang in there Rach
>
> Nikki xx
>
> > I am petrified. I feel so alone. Loneliness is eating a hole inside my soul.
> >
> > I am a terrible person. I have lied to my friends, who I love dearly, and I have deliberately, physically hurt myself.
> >
> > I have again messed up at a new job, and will probably find I don't have a job tomorrow. And I don't know if I am happy with that or not.
> >
> > I was doing so great, too. I don't know what happened. I was on top of the world, then BAM everything is crushing on top of me.
> >
> > Just so lonely. My family is all travelling overseas. My friends all have their own lives and significant others. I have estranged myself from the one person who understands best. I know I'm not in a state to have a signficant other, that anything started when I'm so needy would be a huge mistake. But I can't help wanting it.
> >
> > I just want someone who will care about me enough to drop everything, just to come and hold my hand when I'm in trouble.
> >
> > Last night I cut myself for the first time. Twice on the wrist. Very superficial wounds - I can't even succeed at hurting myself - but the urge to slash away was so insistent.
> >
> > This morning I kept hitting myself in the eye, and told my friends that I fell and hit my head. I now have a splitting headache, increasingly worse nausea, scratches and lumps on my eye, and two scratches on my wrist. I didn't go in to my second day of work, and didn't ring them. How can you explain that type of thing?
> >
> > I'm too afraid to ask for help, because I don't want to admit that I'm such a disgusting liar, and that I am so insane as to physically stand in front of a mirror and repeatedly hit myself. And I'm terrified that now I have crossed the line to physically hurting myself, that I won't be able to stop from doing it again.
> >
> > To all those that know me, I am sorry for disappointing you. I can't even post this at lotl or haven because I don't want to admit to you guys that things aren't good. Because they were just starting to get brilliant, and I was just starting to get happy.
> >
> > I really don't know what happened.


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poster:tina thread:6414
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010611/msgs/6425.html