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Re: Jealousy- Kiddo-probably too long to read » ShelliR

Posted by kiddo on March 12, 2001, at 3:20:17

In reply to Re: Jealousy- Kiddo-probably too long to read » JennyR, posted by ShelliR on March 10, 2001, at 22:24:50

You are very insightful. I've never even thought about that until you said it, but I guess on a certain level you may be correct. But others, I'm not so sure about. I think sometimes I need to hear it from him because I've never heard it from anyone as a child, and seldom now.

Trust is something I have very little of, and even less now that all this stuff has happened with his ex-partner. I've been writing a lot of poems the past few days, Poe would be proud.

> I've had several therapists throughout my life: some very expressive verbally with feelings (and affection) and the one I have now is not. In the long run I believe it doesn't really make much of a difference. It is nice to be told sometimes; but it is also nice to take in the good feelings that are coming your way and just trust them. It sounds like both you and jenny are more focused on what you're not getting than what you are getting. And in reality, you are getting the feeling that you are cared about and liked. I don't think your self esteem would really go up if it was said verbally. Maybe instead of trying so hard to push your therapists into saying it, you could see it as a gift that doesn't need to be changed, and work on accepting your therapist as well as yourself.
>
> Sometimes I have to remind myself of that with my present therapist. I say--how come therapists a, b, and c always said this about me and you don't. And she says, "because you already know that about yourself." For example, she never says I'm engaging (like all my other therapists), but I make her smile and laugh a lot and I feel her connection to me when I hurt, so I do know that.
>
> And in truth, the little girl in me still wants a mom and dad who really cared about me and protected me. So, no matter how often a therapist would say she liked or loved me, I can never be that child at that age again and be protected. So I see some of the closeness felt in therapy as illusion. I mean I think I will have grown a lot when the attachment is no longer so important to me. At this stage in my life, the cognitive stuff--like how to make my life easier by considering consequences and other things is helping me the most.
>
> Sorry this is so long, but I am sort of working it out as I am writing it. ShelliR


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