Posted by Ant-Rock on February 9, 2001, at 12:53:28
In reply to Re: Ant-Rock... Bad times, posted by gwen on February 8, 2001, at 19:42:52
> It IS a living nightmare, but you can get through this. (Real easy for me to say, right?)
>
> Drugs: My pdoc gave me Ativan for a short while because I was prone to aimlessly roaming the house while sobbing. It helped a lot -- the Ativan, I mean. I'd take one at night at the first sign of sobbing and go to bed. I was also taking Remeron, which helped me sleep. Regular sleep is so important when I'm stressed (would that I'd follow my own advice!).
>
> Sometimes if I was feeling bad, I'd call up a friend and just listen to them talk. It was such a break to hear someone else tell me about their problems and just plain stuff. It helped me get out of me, and it was a good distraction.
>
> Other times I'd write letters to distant friends. The payoff was not immediate, but when a friend wrote back it was always a pleasant and unexpected surprise in the mail -- gosh, someone wrote ME a letter! It wasn't a bill and it wasn't mail sent to my stupid husband! I also emailed a lot.
>
> Are you talking to a therapist? That helped me, too.
>
> Are you doing things for yourself -- pampering yourself when you can? You're worth it, ya know. Lately, I've gotten into drawing mandalas (not the religious kind). It's very relaxing. I can choose either to let my mind drift, or I can work problems out in my head. Usually I do it to relieve stress.
>
> What about pets? Do you have a pet? Can you have one where you live now? It helps me to have a living being to come home to and to take care of and talk to. Mine know when things aren't right or when I'm feeling badly... and then they sit on me whether I want them to or not. Even my fish are happy to see me. (OK, I'll admit it's just because they see me as their personal chef, but I like to think they're glad to see me!)
>
> Please take good care of yourself, Anthony. It's the least you can do for yourself and you certainly deserve it!
>
> Best wishes,
> GwenI'm trying to do things for myself, but the pain is always there to destroy my best efforts. To make matters worse, I checked out that web-site that was suggested, "depressionfallout.com" and sure enough it described almost exactly the stages my wife most certainly went through that led to her decision. Feeling helpless she couldn't shake me out of it. Silent resentment. Ending up seeing me/depression as one in the same. The sexual isolation grew, bitterness, etc.
It's absolutely killing me that I've lost my wife because of an illness. I'm sorry if I'm whining, but this is tearing me apart. I had a first visit with a cog-behav therapist the other day. Maybe some good will come out of it. He wants to deal with my underlying problems instead of the current crisis, but I don't know if thats such a good thing. I just can't get myself to let go of some hope for reconciliation, even though it's obvious she doesn't want this.
Thank you for listening, means a lot.
poster:Ant-Rock
thread:4214
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010209/msgs/4497.html