Posted by Ant-Rock on January 16, 2001, at 20:33:41
In reply to Re: Depression poisoned my marriage, need help, posted by Noa on January 16, 2001, at 15:14:10
> Anthony,
> I am so sorry to hear this. Are you in therapy? Any other support?
- I am trying to find a qualified cognitive behavioral therapist for my problems. This has been tougher than I thought. Family & friend helping me cope.> Perhaps consulting a marriage counselor--even if she refuses to go--would be useful--to get advice about dealing with this.
- I am confused as to which problem to address first, my depression, ie. start therapy, or a marriage counselor. My psychiatrist has been so passive about everything that I am realizing now how much he hasn't helped me for so long. Part of the reason I lost hope.
> What if you agreed to move out (temporarily or permanently, to be determined later) if she would agree to marriage counseling ---with out predetermining the outcome of counseling (ie, the goal doesn't have to be to save the marriage--the goal could be left open for now).
-Actually Noa, I moved out immediately on my wifes request. After another funk had gotten me really down, we had a small argument and she broke down and was crying hysterically, it was killing me seeing her in such pain, she practically begged me to leave, and seeing that was the only way to stop her hurt, I left. Two days later I returned very apolligetically trying to reassure her, but she was a different person, putting forth a cold, bitter attitude, not even a glimse of warmth as I tried to hold her. She doesn't want to talk about this,deal with this, and says she just wants to be alone. She asked me to take the rest of my clothes, which I did, and says we could talk in six months. Not very reassuring.
> Did you see this coming? I know you were aware of the drain/stress on the relationship, but did you see this coming?
-I truly didn't see this coming. She had been sad lately about some things in her life, and we discussed them. She told me she loved me twice a day and we hugged/kissed first thing before/after work every day right up to the very day this happened. We weren't fighting/arguing, so this truly blinsided me. Looking back I certainly can see now how much worse my condition had gotten, but she obviously kept most of her pain inside, and not having someone outside the marriage to confide in made this that much more difficult to handle. She was sad she had no close friends, and I sympathized/discussed this with her. I certainly didn't discourage her from making close friends, I supported her whenever she was down.
Basically every problem that drove her to this decision was a direct result of my depression. She most likely sees my situation as never changing = no future.Thank you Noa for writing, your advice is very much appreciated. I certainly have to get some proffesional guidance, because this has been truly overwhelming. Any other suggestions, please feel free. I'm just very confused right now.
poster:Ant-Rock
thread:3972
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010105/msgs/4002.html