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Re: group dynamics » shellie

Posted by shar on November 23, 2000, at 10:17:44

In reply to Re: group dynamics » shar, posted by shellie on November 22, 2000, at 22:27:21

>...but maybe to point out that when bad feelings are felt; they are often returned in even greater magnitude. As opposed to saying "that made me feel bad........" and promoting greater understanding.

Shellie:
I did not feel hurt by anything you wrote in this post. I certainly experience a full range of emotions, including anger, and sometimes I feel defensive. It is accurate IMHO when you say that exchanging insults or aggression can escalate anger instead of leading to a reasonable discussion and/or a better understanding between the people.

If someone says "I felt hurt when you said x" that is probably more likely to lead to a reasonable discussion. I think owning one's feelings helps a lot. My training in using "I" statements was really drilled into me, and when someone says "You made me feel hurt when you said x" it comes across to me as blaming or putting responsibility on someone else for how one feels. So I am likely, first of all, to try to clarify my position that I can't make anyone feel any way at all (see post above on how people feel). Maybe then, move on to a reasonable discussion of feelings and/or behaviors.

Shar


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