Posted by allisonm on November 26, 2000, at 17:50:41
In reply to Re: group dynamics » allisonm, posted by ksvt on November 26, 2000, at 15:53:22
ksvt,
Thanks for asking. I have been away part of last week and this. I've checked into PB et al here and there but have not felt much like writing, nor have there been many threads to which I felt I could contribute. I also have felt the hostility and want no part it.
The meds have seemed to work to a point. Some days it seems they work better than others. I have a hard time trying to deceipher whether my bad moods are a result of the meds not exactly working or if it's just normal stuff happening that would cause anyone to be crabby. It irritates my pdoc, but I have refused to try and guess anymore. The last few weeks, I've felt crabby more often than not.
I've been hating my job lately, been considering rejoining the family business but wonder whether that would just make life even worse than it already is.
It hasn't helped that my birthday and Thanksgiving have passed in the last two weeks and now Christmas is coming. Two thirds of my family disappeared two years ago and sometimes I have trouble being alone this time of year. I was brought up to celebrate everything. The remaining third of my family is not very adept or interested in celebrating anything. So I've spent a fair amount of time lately wondering what's the point? Why bother? I managed to actually forget that it was my birthday (a major accomplishment). I went away for T-G in part to avoid invitations to dinner with people I don't really know because I have tried that before and it just makes me feel worse, more alienated. Most all of my Christmas shopping is done, I think in an attempt to will the holiday away as quickly as possible. I thought perhaps this year would be better than the last two, but right now it doesn't feel that way.
My pdoc thinks that if I had more of a life, that bad things at work wouldn't seem so bad and my life might feel more balanced. I agree, but the thought of getting into another relationship scares the hell out of me. I think suicide would be a lot easier. There isn't a man on this earth (and not too many women) that I trust, with the possible exception of my pdoc.
Sorry. Thanks again.
Allison
poster:allisonm
thread:3070
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001117/msgs/3291.html