Posted by Kath on September 25, 2000, at 8:59:50
In reply to Screaming misery and frustration, posted by Racer on September 25, 2000, at 4:29:12
Hi Racer - What a terrible thing to go through!!! I think you've done very well to realize that the things that have been happening are nothing to do with YOU, but have to do with others. I'm amazed that so many "disfunctional" people can work in one organization!! (you're not included in the "dis.........." people!!) Maybe each person starts out a certain way & allows him/herself to shift towards behaving like the others, ending up in most people behaving in a very unprofessional, uncaring, unthinking, unloving way.
I find it's pretty hard to stop the negative "tapes" that play in my head under the best of circumstances; to stop them under the circumstances you've described would feel to me like facing climbing a huge mountain (& I'm not a mountain climber).
Don't be hard on yourself for being affected by such horrible treatment. NOBODY deserves to be treated like that (even if they're getting paid ON TIME to put up with it, to say nothing of NOT getting paid on time).
I have found Codependents Anonymous (CoDA) extremely helpful for me in slowing down those negative tapes. I have never felt so accepted, cared about & loved as I have felt at my CoDA meetings. If you're interested & have any questions, I'd be glad to answer them.
Good luck in deciding what to do NOW. You'll be in my thoughts.
Kath
> OK, here's the sitch:
>
> I moved to Silicon Valley. I got a job. It was the dream job for me: administering a non-profit computer training center. Basically, the same things I did in the cowtown of old.
>
> So, why am I quitting? Let's see: I've let them walk all over me. My first paycheck was four weeks late, and no one seems to care. I know that the problems really aren't my problems. I know that I nagged for more than four weeks to get paid. I know that I called and emailed the person I had to go through daily for two of those weeks, with no response whatsoever. I know that NOTHING was done, despite my nagging. I know that when the check was finally made out, by someone else all together, spur of hte moment, because I had finally called EVERYONE on the board of directors until some one got a check written, and that person told me that I SHOULD have gone to so and so to get the check, Well, I know that that's not something which happened because *I'M* so screwed up.
>
> In the last six weeks, I have been insulted, disregarded, micromanaged -- without receiving any support at all -- and blindsided in front of outsiders so that I feel like an idiot.
>
> So, why do I feel like a failure? Despite the drugs, I'm getting depressed about this. I feel like a fat, sloppy, useless, lumpy, idiotic, worthless lump of flesh.
>
> What now? Anyone have anything to offer? (Beyond what I already know: I may be allowing it to happen, but I certainly don't have the power to make them as truly screwy as they are! I guess what I want is to find out if anyone has any idea what causes this cycle of self-defeating thinking, and how to break out of the rut.)
>
> Oh, and anyone have a job to offer me? I'd prefer one where the paychecks came in when they're supposed to. I dunno, I'm just a little anal-retentive that way...
>
>
> (PS: does 'anal-retentive' have a hyphen in it?)
poster:Kath
thread:675
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20000813/msgs/680.html