Posted by Jena Lyn on August 26, 2000, at 23:05:22
In reply to PS. About old habits--, posted by shar on August 25, 2000, at 23:46:51
Everyone,
I know that a BIG part of my problem is fear ... fearing the past, fearing the future ... I can't make myself look away from what Im afraid of. I know that I would be doing so much better right now if I could stop thinking so much about not doing good ya know? It is so damn frustrating because I am doing so much better than I was a year ago today, when I was in a hospital being treated for my "disorder"...but I am still holding myself back from getting even better and I don't know why. I want to get better, I want to be happy but I can't ... I don't know how to and that hurts me so much. Why can't I just let things go? I hold on to EVERYTHING, well not everything, all the bad things ... its easy to forget the good things that have happened to me. Do any of you do this? I hope Im not the only one that is totally isolating themselves because of this crap. I just get so mad at myself for doing this, but at the same time, its not ME doing this, its IT, the depression, whatever is controlling me ... I don't think its me ... then again, I don't really know anymore. GREAT, now I get to try to sleep ... I hope you all are doing well, I'll check in with ya tomorrow.
HUGS
Jena
> I agree with other posters that sometimes the worst part of old habits is fearing them.
>
> My philosophy is that in everything we do, we are not perfect. Sometimes we are great, sometimes not so great--but rarely is it a permanent condition. And, when we fear old habits, we are selling ourselves short because a lot of learning and coping skills have grown since we were "back there."
>
> So, if being in a good place is square 100, and you slip back some, you don't go to square 1 again. You'd probably find it very alien, because you don't live at square 1 anymore. Maybe you'll slip back to square 95, because you're having a lot going on in your life, moving, starting school, feeling anxious, etc.
>
> You know that you can move from square 95 to square 100 again. You've probably already done it a few times; feeling down or anxious and taking steps to bring yourself along to feeling better (talking to friends, therapy, whatever it takes). So, I encourage you to loosen up on the fear of jumping back to old habits (at square one) and accept the fact that you may slide a square here and there, but the road is more even, it's not a steep hill where you'll just go right down, and you have new tools to help yourself.
>
> I say this to me, to you, and to everyone. All those old familiar behaviors are not likely to fit you anymore, but we know those behaviors really well, and we may slip back a bit from time to time.
>
> Not to worry. I think we all do it. I can tell when I do it because it feels weird to me. I may have to do a little work to get back to square 100, but I know I can do it. And so can we all.
>
> Shar
poster:Jena Lyn
thread:207
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20000813/msgs/241.html