Posted by special_k on April 6, 2006, at 20:58:19
In reply to Boundaries with Mothers, posted by cricket on April 6, 2006, at 12:55:33
do you still see her? i... didn't used to have a lot to do with mine after i left. had to threaten her with a tresspass order at some point. wouldn't tell her where i lived. wouldn't give her my phone number. over that now... but i still have to have boundaries re how often i ring and how often i'm prepared to see her.
biggest problem (and i'll put my foot down about this sooner or later) but the biggest problem is that i have a bit more contact with my father (easier really than dealing with my mother). but if i don't contact her in a while she starts harrassing dad. thats how he feels anyway. and then he is like 'PLEASE GOD get in touch with your mother). or sometimes he is just like 'she phoned me 5 times last week because she hasn't heard from you in a while'.
i need to say to him: if you don't want her to phone then you need to tell her that.
i want to say to him: for f*cks sake stand up for yourself for once in your life and quit your whining to me.
> I heard someone say that for Kafka his father was like a giant shadow over all of Prague and Kafka could only live in the tiny nooks and crannies that this father shadow couldn't reach.
i used to feel that way abuot my mother. still do at times...
> In 7th grade, I got some academic award and my mother so appropriated that accomplishment ("Well maybe you took after me a little bit but you'll never have my personality or, you poor thing, my good looks") that at the ceremony after I received the certificate and was walking off the stage I crumpled it into a ball, tossed it in her lap as I walked by and said "for you".> And so it has been ever after.
> How long am I going to live in poverty and isolation just to shame her?
>
> How long am I going to deprive myself of a life just because I am afraid that she will appropriate anything good that comes to me?((((((cricket))))))
do yuo have to see her at all / have anything to do with her?
i didn't have anything to do with mine for maybe 5 or 6 years. really. then my brothers funeral... but i went with some people for support and didn't do more than 'hello' and give her a hug.now.. it is a little easier (when i am in a good space and can handler her aka sympathise with her feelings endlessly)
but only because of the break.
poster:special_k
thread:629668
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060220/msgs/629855.html