Posted by baseball55 on April 18, 2014, at 20:19:12
In reply to Long-term psychotherapy, feelings, fears, endings, posted by Kimberly April on April 18, 2014, at 18:23:21
Wow! I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. I went through this intensely with my p-doc. I saw him weekly in therapy for six years. My feelings for him were so, so huge. I told him often that I loved him and he would respond in many ways - you don't really love me because you don't really know me; thank you - there's a way in which I love you too; this relationship is the only relationship we will ever have.
Whatever he said felt painful. Like you, I wanted him to be my father or friend, not my lover. I was in my fifties. It was so hard, so intense, so painful and yet, I got so much from it in terms of learning to express emotions and feelings to someone.
I did cut back. But I did it in the context of finding another (female) therapist who took primary responsibility for my deep depressions and suicidality. The deal was that I would continue to see him for support, but only because I was too attached and in love to end.
Over the last three years, we have cut way back. I saw him weekly, then every other week, then once a month, then once a month for half an hour. That's where I am now - nine years after I started with him. Sometimes I see him more often or for an hour when I have issues in my life I want to go over with him. I think I will see him once a month until he retires. (he is 75).
Is he talking about ending? If not, why not just continue and, maybe, slowly cut back the frequency or length of appointments if you feel it is too intense? It can take a long time to work through these feelings and accept the limitations of the relationship.
For me, I needed to find another therapist to talk to about my therapist. Maybe finding a female therapist to help you work through this would help. Not a substitute, but an addition.
This is hard, painful stuff. I wish you well. Keep us posted on how this works out for you. You are not alone in these feelings.
poster:baseball55
thread:1064448
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20140310/msgs/1064466.html