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Re: Help me cope.. emmanuel98

Posted by yellowbird01 on March 15, 2012, at 23:55:20

In reply to Re: Help me cope.., posted by emmanuel98 on March 15, 2012, at 19:40:09

I've seen my T on and off since I was 18.. coming up on 12 years now. Up until December, she always accepted crisis phone calls, as long as they were infrequent... I called about once a year, twice at most. She also allowed emails and voicemails whenever as long as I didnt expect a response. In fact, she encouraged them... said to me MANY times to call and let her know how I was doing if I wanted, for accountability, to know someone was hearing me, etc. I emailed maybe once every 3 weeks. It was really important to me to feeling connected, feeling less alone, feeling cared about. In December, she decided to change her policy for her entire private practice and so longer accepts any of the above. No crisis calls, no emails, no voicemails, period. She says that if youre in crisis and cant handle it alone, go to the ER. Basically, I flipped. Really. I wasnt inappropriate or mean or anything, but it totally destroyed our relationship. After 11 years of accepting and encouraging this contact, then one day it's gone.. especially when she clearly says I didnt misuse it or do anything to lead to her taking it away... really hurt me. We debated it for weeks but she has no plans to change. We were in a very vulnerable spot in my therapy where I was just starting to explore some traumas I'd resisted before, and it destroyed me sense of security and trust. We're still working on rebuilding that... I wasnt sure I could continue for awhile and it hasnt been easy at all. I'm still really struggling with feeling like she doesnt care. I dont feel special anymore or like she cares anymore. So I'm afraid I'll get "in trouble" this week for engaging her in conversation last night when she called for scheduling. I was desperate. But I know I pushed a boundary too. I always try really hard to respect her boundaries. We'll see.




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