Posted by Willful on April 17, 2011, at 11:39:28
In reply to Re: Agony » Daisym, posted by Annabelle Smith on April 16, 2011, at 21:46:02
Staying where you are is probably what you have to do, given the obsessed and needing relationship you have with your therapist. I had such a relationship and it took years to unravel it. You probably aren't going to be able to leave in a year, unless the relationship ends for other reasons-- such as your therapist becomes unable to sustain your emotional needs, which I hope will not happen. And it may prolong the agony if you have this decision overhanging you for that time. It certainly heightens what you call your push-pull feelings-- and gives them a seemingly external rather than truly internal cause-- which would be illusory. But if you could go to the Boston program, it would be of course a good thing in terms of your vocation and career. So the dilemma is really insoluble-- for reasons that I"m sure have some bearing on something in you.
So truly if you were able to leave, it would be best-- of course,-- But there is no disregarding this compulsion to be with and see your therapist. You need to accept the limitations of this moment until it truly is over..
By the way, did you explore with your therapist the option of phone sessions during semesters and coming to see him in person during breaks and summers-- or other options?---
Of course, talking over the phone wouldn't meet your needs - this is an option more for a future time than for now. Yet I wonder if you and he even talked through such compromise options. Daisy raised this and you did'nt I think answer (perhaps I missed the answer).---
You need to repeat to yourself that you've done the best thing that you can do-- and your must accept that it is, and leave the confusion alone as much as possible, despite regrets and the sense of being in bondage-- to something in yourself, really not to your therapist-- . As Sigismund said, neither decision is at the moment acceptable-- because the conflict within yourself is at such a massive level. If staying simply what you need in the most life-wrenching way right now-- whether that's the most "rational" seeming solution--then it is. Period. --( and I truly believe you that it is). IMO, take it for what it's worth, eventually you will use ADs-- because the amount of pain and turmoil you're in is preventing you from even beginning to get better---but I'm sure that will itself be a huge struggle for you to let someone help you.
Willful
poster:Willful
thread:983016
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110324/msgs/983080.html