Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

Re: ? for long term therapy folks... Dinah, Lucie, etc » pegasus

Posted by workinprogress on November 9, 2010, at 0:12:50

In reply to Re: ? for long term therapy folks... Dinah, Lucie, etc, posted by pegasus on November 8, 2010, at 15:37:06

Peg-

There IS a lot here. The one thing that stuck out for me is "why do I attach so intensely to some people and not to others". That is something I thought about quite a bit... especially in terms of thinking about how some people are afraid of attachment.

I'm not afraid of attachment in that sense. In the sense that I try very very hard to attach. I can really jump in feet first with people... and I did with my therapist. BUT... my attachment, with them and with her.. is NOT SECURE. I am always worried about keeping it, about being enough, about whether or not they like me, about whether they will abandon me or not. So... to me, it feels like I am VERY attached, because I'm clinging and hanging on for dear life. But, I am not securely attached at all. I don't know if that makes any sense or resonates with you at all... but that is a really important distinction for me. I am VERY attached to my T in that way... but it is far from secure- because I still worry she'll go away.

I do believe my T when she says that this is the goal of therapy. That I will have done much work and be well on my way when I get there. Or rather, that if it had happened as a kid I'd be much more sure of myself now. And if I can make it happen with my T I'll be secure in myself in a way that goes way beyond the Stuart Smaley "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me". For me it means going beyond the surface to something really core. It's just darn painful to get there.....

That might not work for you or make sense, I totally see how it's a leap of faith. But for me, it makes sense. I just wish wanting it meant having it. ;)

xo
WIP

> This thread brings up so much for me, and it's all so jumbled in my head. But there are a few, poorly organized thoughts I wanted to throw into the mix:
>
> - I, too, had a somewhat emotionally neglectful childhood, although my parents would be horrified to hear me say it. I was a pretty moody kid, and they tried to ridicule my moods out of me. Which was damaging in a lot of ways.
>
> - I became very attached to one therapist I had, and was completely devastated when he decided to move to another state. I had another long-term therapist after that, to whom I didn't feel any attachment, although I think we did some good work together. I never think about her now, but I think about that earlier therapist a lot still. I'm starting with another T now, and I can feel the attachment forming. Our therapy is so far all about my want/fear tug-of-war in terms of becoming attached to him.
>
> - I have a few really good, stable relationships in my adult life, including a very supportive spouse, who has been there through all of my adventures in therapy.
>
> So, these experiences bring up lots of questions around attachment for me. Things like:
>
> ? Why do I attach so strongly to some people, in some circumstances, and not to others.
>
> ? Do *I*, personally, need attachment to a T for some kind of growth that I'm wanting? What about that other T I had to whom I never attached? Could I grow as much in that type of relationship?
>
> ? My husband is the poster child for steadfastness in a relationship. I've been with him for decades. So, why do I still seek (and sometimes avoid) attachment to a T? Why isn't my marriage the corrective experience I seem to be seeking (ambivalently).
>
> ? Is therapy the best place to look for whatever can come from deep attachment? It didn't work out so well for me when my ex-T moved. Ts move, change their practices, get sick and die. Read here for a while, and you'll run into many stories along these lines. Am I courting disaster by getting attached again to someone who is not family? Or is the benefit worth even that possibility?
>
> ? My current T says that ideally therapy will end when the client is ready for it to end. But isn't attachment permanent? If so, is the attached client truly ever ready for therapy to end? Or does it just become less feasible to continue - which isn't at all the same thing.
>
> ? I have met therapists and entire agencies who have no idea about attachment. That is to say, they don't understand their importance to the client. Consequently, they take far too lightly things like transferring one Ts clients to another T. WTF? Isn't this a critical piece to "get" if you're going to do therapy? Why is it handled so lightly?
>
> Sorry if this is not helpful. I don't mean to rain on anyone's parade. I feel like I'm wallowing in pretty murky waters with attachment. It's not so clear at all to me that it's a good thing, as it seems to be to some of your Ts. Although, I'm open to being convinced that it is.
>
> - P

 

Thread

 

Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post


Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.

 

Start a new thread

 
Google
dr-bob.org www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for
in

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:workinprogress thread:968902
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20101023/msgs/969325.html