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Re: Attachment vs. transference

Posted by pegasus on October 13, 2010, at 12:21:29

In reply to Re: Attachment vs. transference lucielu2, posted by emmanuel98 on October 12, 2010, at 19:52:55

> That's interesting. I used to say that too -- when I could accept my p-doc as just a therapist, I would be done.

I think I know this feeling, but I'm not sure this is the same thing as what I experienced in my very attached previous therapy. I did come to see my T more clearly as an independent person throughout the therapy (and after). Which I think was a sign of progress of some sort for me. But the attachment didn't fade at all. Still hasn't 7 years later.

I think of it kind of like my relationship with my mother. I was/am attached to her (for better or worse). I figure I will always be attached, but as time goes on I can see her more and more clearly, as an independent person. I can appreciate her struggles and strengths more, and I also see more clearly, with less pain, exactly where she could have done better by me.

So, the latter stuff is happening outside of my attachment to her. But when I'm with her, I can still feel that intense sense of home that is the (healthy part of the) attachment. And that is helpful to me, and - yes - sometimes painful when I want comforting and she's not available in one way or another. That comfort is something I internalized more and more as I grew up, which is good. And yet, internalizing it doesn't make the attachment to her go away, I find. Moreover, it's not a part of my relationship with her that I want/expect to grow out of.

Is it reasonable to see a T relationship in a similar way? I mean, eventually I'll end therapy (or he'll end it for me like before), and it won't be like my mom where I can call her, or go visit, or even talk to other people who know and love her. And yet my experience of my old T is that I will *never* see him as just a therapist, however long my life goes on without any contact with him.

It's still such a tangle in my mind.

- P

 

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