Posted by Daisym on October 15, 2010, at 13:55:38
In reply to Re: Attachment vs. transference » Daisym, posted by pegasus on October 15, 2010, at 12:07:11
From what you described, I think you are talking about transference. These are the moment to moment feelings being brought into the relationship. I think attachment happens over time, describing the depth of the relationship and the quality of the connection. I think the name is unfortunate in some ways because it is so much more than whether you are "attached" (does that mean you can't pry yourself away?!) to someone.
I agree about the labels feeling invalidating. I've had many struggles with my own therapist when he uses the word "fantasy" or transference. He is super careful now and I'm less sensitive. But when you label something as sensitive as feelings, it is easy to make the client (or anyone) feel like 1) this isn't real so it doesn't matter or 2) they are a therapy cliche and that can be mortifying or 3) both. I think therapists underestimate how much shame they can invoke during sessions, even sensitive caring therapists.
I often think of parents who say to children, "Oh, get up...that didn't hurt." How awful to be told how you feel by someone else! And how confusing. No wonder people don't talk about these things.