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Re: She says it's chemical Tabitha

Posted by SLS on July 23, 2009, at 5:35:54

In reply to She says it's chemical, posted by Tabitha on July 23, 2009, at 3:11:08

> Because truth, even a harsh truth, does feel better than uncertainty, doesn't it?

We are all so similar and so different at the same time. I am very comfortable with uncertainty. I have survived because of uncertainty. If I were certain that things would never get better, I doubt I would have allowed myself to live so long. For me, hope has lied in uncertainty, and logically so. At every point in time, I could think of a treatment that I had not tried yet. I also knew that there were new drugs on the way. I took an oath of sorts when I first diagnosed as having a biological illness. I vowed to be as positive and constructive. With few exceptions, my optimism has been a constant in my life, even when I could not get off the couch and stop staring at a wall for all of my waking hours. I was in this state for almost 25 years. Still, I always tried to use all of what little God gave me to work with. I think the same thing applies to psychotherapy. You never know when, through hard work, you will gain important insights that will change the way you view yourself and the world. It is the lack of certainty that allows for dedication to a possibility, no matter how improbable it may seem in the moment. Of course optimism waxes and wanes. However, bad times usually have a way of passing given time.

> Anyway, I promised to take more pills. She also claims I was doing better when I was exercising & meditating, but I can't recall that I did those things consistently enough to make a difference.

Is it possible that you exercised and meditated precisely because you had been feeling better in the first place?

At those times when I felt somewhat better, expecially when drug therapy had a positive effect, I was able to do some things that I could not usually do. Of course, there were people around me, including professional health care workers, that tried to convince me that I felt better because I was trying harder to function and was succeeding. They were 180 wrong. Thankfully, I was able to understand myself and my illness better than they did. To be told that you can do things that you really can't is sabotage. You will always fail and become convinced that you yourself are a failure. Regardless of how many times you try and fail at accomplishing a goal, you have succeeded in trying. The trick is to know which goals to choose that will allow for success.

How do you define success?

- Scott




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