Posted by FindingMyDesire on June 15, 2009, at 15:27:29
I want the old miserable feelings back. The new miserable feelings are even worse. I feel like a baby now. Well, maybe more like a six-year-old. When I'm looking at my T, I feel like I'm looking up at her from this little child place. I really feel like that. I haven't before (consciously, anyway). My feelings for her previously have been so dominated by having a crush on her and a fierce sexual attraction. She's practically a peer. She is close to me in age and very beautiful - totally my type too (for real, not just cause she is my T). Plus, what I know of her outside interests (which is very little) allows for me to imagine other things we have in common. We both have a young child. She is straight and unobtainable. It's a perfect situation for unrequited love.
But this?!?!?! A needy, snot-nosed attachment to her? Wishing I could crawl into her lap and have her hold me? I'm so confused and humiliated by these feelings too. First sexual fantasies, now mommy fantasies? ARGH!!!!! I want Out Of My Skin. How am I supposed to regulate all of this?
I even called my own mother last night I was feeling so desperate. It was the strangest conversation. Right away she could tell something was "wrong" and went into her irritated voice. What did I want? What was wrong? etc. I managed to say there was nothing in particular and that I just wanted some comfort from her. I've never said anything quite like that to her before. Then, neither one of us knew what to say. She said, "Well, I can do that, I guess." And then silence. We were both lost. *sigh*
I have left 3 message for my T today.
FMD
poster:FindingMyDesire
thread:901142
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090614/msgs/901142.html