Posted by workinprogress on May 12, 2009, at 12:47:01
In reply to Can I just skip the next phase? A Ramble., posted by FindingMyDesire on May 11, 2009, at 23:08:23
Hey again FMD-
I responded to this yesterday, but somehow it didn't get posted. There are too many confirms I think. Anyway.. I'll try again.
What I mostly said was, 1) I think it's great that you're recognizing patterns... that's huge in figuring out what's going on and how to do it differently. Do you know what triggers the phase you're trying to avoid? Can you explain/name the feelings that exist prior to it or within it? Do you think you can talk to your therapist about all of this? About recognizing the pattern and wanting to do it differently this time, but needing her help? It seems she might be able to help you talk it through and "pull it apart" a little. That's always helped me the most... "bringing it in"- even if it's scary.
That would be my suggestion for making it be your plan. You're halfway there in just understanding the pattern though!
Keep us posted and hang in there. At the very least know that you're ok, your feelings (all of them) are ok, and that this is probably part of your healing process. Learning to trust someone is HARD- and it takes TIME. I made a trust equation complete with symbols and put a little poster up in my bathroom (I really wanted to just TRUST my T and she kept saying "it takes time, you can't rush it"). It goes like this: "my equation for the big fear of abandonment"- time/time/time/time + love + empathy + consistency = the big T, TRUST.
So, for me, moving past fear in my relationship with my T involved all those things, but I finally got there. You can too!
((((((FMD)))))))
- WIP
> I mean, I know it is coming. I do it over and over and over again. Just after this one that I'm approaching. This is the one I like - even though it is the hardest and most intense. This one gets me the connection and being seen and all of that. This is the one that's building this week. But then I lose it all in the phase after next and have to start all over. And that's the phase that hurts and makes me feel crazy and basically like a fool to ever love or trust or whatever. I just don't want to do that one. I want to go straight from this one (feeling love, feeling attachment, feeling connection, feeling cared for, feeling seen, feeling heard, and yes - the aching, the attraction) straight through to the feeling more comfortable and grounded AND seen and connected (the phase I just came out of).
>
> Please? Can I just do that? How can I make that be my plan?
poster:workinprogress
thread:895298
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090421/msgs/895372.html