Posted by Dinah on May 3, 2009, at 14:05:59
In reply to Re: Am I My Mother???? » Dinah, posted by Phillipa on May 2, 2009, at 19:24:55
Have you ever heard of sunk cost theory? I've taught it to my son since he was little. I didn't learn it until college, and it's just too important to leave for that long.
What it says is that you should put aside thoughts of the past when considering what to do in the future. For example, someone might start a business and put lots of money in it, and borrow more money, and add more money, and feel like they *need* to continue in this business because they have so much invested in it. Sunk cost theory says that no matter whether you put $1 or $100,000 in the business, that money is gone, and should not influence your decision about what's best to do from this point on.
It also is useful in life. Your start with your husband is certainly not one I'd advise someone to take. But that's in the past, and it's done. *At this point* is your marriage something you want or need to maintain? If so, what is the best way to get the best relationship you can possibly have with your husband *from this point on*.
If you feel the best course for you is to stay in your marriage, my guess would be that the best way to improve your future would be to let go of the pain and hurt and blame of the past. To treat your husband as if you had the relationship you wish you did have with him, and hope that he will respond in kind.
Or if it's not in your best interests to stay in your marriage, then that needs to be your guiding focus. Not what happened in the past, but what will happen in the future.
Did the stress of being with your husband solely bring on your thyroid troubles? Most of these things have many causes. My stressful work situation didn't cause me to have diabetes, but it did probably give a significant contribution to the activation of whatever genetic timebomb was ticking. But whatever the truth is, it won't help your marriage or your thyroid to dwell on the thought. Figuring out what caused it is mostly helpful in preventing it from happening again. It's sunk cost.
I'm not saying the past isn't important. It really is. It shapes who we are and how we act. One goal of therapy is to govern ourselves without being ruled by our past and our automatic reactions.
Just my humble opinion.
poster:Dinah
thread:893738
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090421/msgs/894058.html