Posted by fleeting flutterby on April 9, 2009, at 14:30:52
In reply to Re: What is your T. to you??, posted by onceupon on April 9, 2009, at 10:33:38
> My therapist (female) is definitely a mother-figure to me, even though she's only a few years older than I am. I struggle with this CONSTANTLY. I've also always struggled to connect with my (depressive, mildly abusive when I was a kid) mother, and I know I've used various therapeutic relationships as opportunities to try to get what I never got from my mom. The reasons why I struggle with viewing my therapist as a mother-figure are many and varied, but include fears that it's "wrong" (i.e., she's my therapist, not my mother), that it's only going to hurt me in the end (because I know the relationship is finite in its duration), and, of course, frustration that my therapist can't actually mother me. <<
---flutterby: Yes! this all makes very much sense to me. Thank you. I also have fear, and maybe it results in a distancing of myself, with the idea that -- like you said-- it is finite.
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> More recently, I have been trying very hard to see my therapist as a therapist, and nothing more. This is nice in some ways, because no one else gets to play that role in my life, and, as you say "allowing her to take that role" keeps the expectations clearer for me.<<---flutterby: hmmmmm .... that's interesting. I have to think on this some more.
>>...... I've found it incredibly helpful (but also terrifying) to talk directly about *our* relationship - how it's going, what it is, what it can be, how it's different from other relationships, etc.<<
----flutterby: *gasp* just the thought of doing it makes my stomach turn! Wow! you are so brave!
It seems most people here on this forum and others I have read on, do-- like you-- talk to the therapist about "their" relationship. Yikes!! I sense from others here that that should be something natural and a given-- but.... well..... all that has grown to be "me" says -- "No No no! don't talk about that"-- like as if it's a dangerous thing.... yes, it feels quite threatening.
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> I'm not sure if that's helpful or not. Have you talked directly with your therapist about this struggle yet?<<---flutterby: I wonder if that would be the first step-- talking about this struggle.... sheesh... it would be so so hard for me to do though-- face-2-face!!! *wide eyes* and *biting lip*
but.... I sense this is something I need to do.... perhaps in order to keep the "grumblers" at bay. (the grumblers:-- dysfunctional thoughts and actions that one listens to and/or does, as that is how one has survived-- but the grumblers don't realize how sabotaging they can be)thank you for replying. :o)
flutterby-mandy
poster:fleeting flutterby
thread:889620
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090328/msgs/889664.html