Posted by wittgensteinz on March 11, 2009, at 12:19:20
In reply to Re: Negative transference » wittgensteinz, posted by seldomseen on March 11, 2009, at 10:18:28
I'm going to talk it through with T on Friday. I saw him yesterday afternoon after seeing pdoc.
Pdoc hasn't said anything to me in terms of diagnoses. He mentioned once that I should consider partial hospitalisation but by the following session (2 weeks later), when I asked him specifically where he had in mind, he'd lost interest in the idea and changed the subject.
Before pdoc and T spoke to one another they asked my permission. My T said he would be 100% transparent and tell me what was discussed - I didn't ask him to be, he said it of his own initiative. Well, when they finally talked to one another T didn't tell me, and I only heard the next time I saw the pdoc when he said that he'd spoken with my T - but didn't say what they'd talked about. I then asked my T - including why he hadn't said anything. I had assumed T would simply tell me what details pdoc knew about me and what not so I would know where I stood - instead T said about their disagreement in terms of diagnosis and severity. Incidentally, the morning after they spoke I had a terrible session where my T was quite sharp to me and I became very upset and he was unusually cold to me at the end of the session. He later said he had the feeling the conversation with the pdoc had had an influence on that session, saying that he wondered if he was too easy on me. I don't know what he meant by that. Although pdoc and T only spoke once, T must have mentioned this conversation at least 5 times since then, each time adding more details. Yesterday he said the thing about pdoc finding my T 'heroic' persisting with me as a patient. It's true, I did take an overdose back in September but apart from that I haven't partaken in any abusive behaviour - I don't have any addictions, I'm not particularly impulsive or certainly not aggressive, I don't self-harm, I'm not manipulative... but I do sometimes feel suicidal and my trust is very shakey.
I haven't relayed what I know back to the pdoc - and I don't think he knows I am aware of his views. I certainly regret trusting my T to talk to this pdoc and the result of that conversation has been quite damaging, both to the therapy and in terms of getting the right meds.
A good "friend" while at high school always used to tell me when the other girls said nasty things about me. In the beginning I thought she was being nice but later I decided she got pleasure from seeing me get upset and wondered if she made things up.
Witti
poster:wittgensteinz
thread:884840
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090227/msgs/884869.html