Posted by antigua3 on March 11, 2009, at 12:11:11
In reply to Negative transference, posted by wittgensteinz on March 11, 2009, at 7:24:10
Oh witti,
I don't want to cloud what you've said with my own experience, but I do feel compelled to write.
But since I'm in so deep with my pdoc right now that I'm afraid I can't get out, please take my comments with a grain of salt.In agreeing to see my pdoc for therapy as well as meds, I knew that I was already expereincing negative transference with him and like you, I thought it would ultimately help me get over issues with my father. Now I don't know if it will work, or more precisely if it is the right approach to my healing. It hurts incredibly, mostly because he is intransient at times and tends to reinforce the negative patterns/beliefs I have about my self, although I know, or hope, that this is just part of the process.
If I had to do it again, would I? Probably not. Why did I feel like I had to prove I could this? What was driving my motivation was not healthy, I think, and it has been an extremely bumpy ride. My problem is that I am so far deep into this w/him that I think at this point it would be far too damaging in the long run to stop until I can find a safe way out.
But there are many good things about my pdoc, I don't deny that at all; it's just that what he provides may not be the best way for me to heal my feelings about my father. But it all started w/negative transference and is now such a mess that I'm really struggling. Negative transference is just the transparent side of positive transference (if that's the right word) as he pointed out to me, and I agree with him, but now that I am in the throes of plain old transference, it is almost more difficult than I can bear.
In my case, my T and pdoc have never spoken about me; he has never wanted to speak with her, and frankly, I don't think they see the same person. He is against long-term therapy, which seems to be an insult of my work with my T, and she often disagrees with his interpretations of me or my feelings. But she's not in the room with me, and all I can do is relay what I think has happened with him. It's very difficult, but I know I willingly put myself into this position.
I've come to understand that I don't understand how he is trying to help me. Last night we had a major disagreement over how I make assumptions about him (all negative, of course) that aren't necessarily true according to him. All I know is that I don't understand, it is extremely painful and I don't know how to get out of it. It isn't as easy at this point to just stop seeing him. There would be such damage in walking away right now, although that is a strong possibility for the future, even the near future at that.
So, I agree with your SO. Find a pdoc who is willing to invest the time and energy in understanding you as you think you are, and not by some diagnosis that you don't believe in. Otherwise, you'll spend all your time fighting what you believe is strong within you, doubting that your instincts are correct, and always wanting to win in a situation that is so reminiscent of your mother.
I know how long you waited for this appt and I'm so sorry it didn't turn out as you had hoped.
If you have the strength, I would suggest talking directly with both your T and pdoc and get all your feelings out on the table. Trust is so vital, and if you feel you can't trust one or the other, you have to do what is best for you.
As I said, my situation doesn't mirror yours exactly, but negative transference is a dragon's nest, one that is very difficult for me to extract myself from.
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:884840
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090227/msgs/884867.html